Category Archives: News

Holmes v. Cruise v. Scientology v. Who Cares v. ObamaCare v. Blog Bait

If I don’t post about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting divorced, who will?

As we all know, on Thursday, the Supreme  Court stuck up for Obama on his ACA (ObamaCare). A day later, Katie Holmes dared to divorce the most popular Scientologist ever. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Here’s why: Katie Holmes is an unskilled worker. If you have seen any of her movies/television shows, you know this. She flaunts it. So, without a real job skill, she is and was always at risk of falling below the poverty level, living a hellish life without proper medical coverage. So, five years ago, this untalented hottie does what she needs to do – marries the first dude who asks her, and whammo! she has health insurance as a married woman to the hottest dyslexic ever born  – Mr. Tom Cruise, High Priest of the Church of Scientology and Movie Star.

This college drop-out can now leave her husband, confident that healthcare as a single, unskilled parent can be obtained cheaply with the federal government’s help.

She has sexy sex with the Movie Star, has a kid, but still finds no time to learn an employable trade. Instead, she relies on her marriage to keep her secure, to keep her health coverage. I bet they were in a PPO plan, spending her free time pushing a stroller around.

Finally, along comes ObamaCare. Katie sees a light at the end of the tunnel. That light tells her she can leave her husband, and not even work, and still possibly be covered! Praise the Lord!

Katie follows the court cases surrounding ObamaCare, understanding very little of course, but knowing very well that the law is not settled and won’t be until the Supremes review the case. She is not sure why a R&B group is involved, but she waits.

Then, last Thursday, Chief Justice John Roberts is all “ObamaCare is Here to Stay Forever, Americans, so Get Used To It!  Unless Politicians Repeal It Later!” And Katie Holmes doesn’t hear the second part and so is like “Thank Xenu, Obama and Roberts, I’m outta here. And I’m taking my baby! I can get affordable healthcare without being married to this weirdo!”

So, if you want to blame Obama for ruining the country go ahead. But know this – he also ruined the Holmes/Cruise marriage by insisting on healthcare for all, even unskilled workers like Holmes and her stupidly named space baby, Suri.    Will Election 2012 kill ObamaCare and lead Holmes running back to Cruise?Maybe – if TMZ has anything to say about it.  If it’s repealed, look for Holmes to marry soon – to anyone, solidifying her status as a benefits whore.

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What Does a Bus Monitor Do? (answer: possibly nothing)

After reading the story of Karen Klein, the bullied bus monitor, now now rich old lady as donations pour in, I wondered why there was even a bus monitor on board of this bus.  I found this job description for bus monitor for another school and it seems simple enough: help kids cross the road, keep order on the bus, help with safety drills, keep order on the bus, and, oh yeah, keep order on the bus.  Now, Karen Klein has had, as we say, a very bad week. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Those 4 kids are brats raised by parents who probably don’t have a clue what their kids are really like. They’ve since offered lame apologies but they won’t live this down for a long time.

Again, nobody deserves to be treated that way, and I have no information how good/bad a bus monitor Klein was, but I wonder several things about this story and the purpose of a bus monitor.

1) Where was the bus driver during the bullying of this bus monitor?  If he/she didn’t know what was going on – why not? I’m old enough to say “in my day” and “in my day” we had only the bus driver – a twenty-something named Cindy (and one named Sue, I think) and somehow they kept everyone in line all while driving. Nobody stepped out of line.  Way to go NY bus driver!

2) Why didn’t Karen Klein stand up, move to the front of the bus and get the bus drivers’ help (ie, stop the bus, go back to the kids and take away the camera, and separate the kids).  Has she been asked this by the media? If not, why not?

3) If the bus monitor’s paid job is to keep order and prevent altercations, what skills or training is she given to prevent or discourage behaviors these kids demonstrated?  I would suggest none.  Being a kind old grandma isn’t an excuse for doing a poor job. Obviously a bus monitor is probably not exactly the most exciting job and those who do it have their reasons (part-time income, maybe a fan of the film Speed, who knows?).

4) Respect – As we know through countless reality shows, adults don’t respect adults, and kids often don’t respect adults – perhaps this disrespect has increased or perhaps it is just more openly demonstrated due to mass media/internet. In the school system, we see awful kids and we see awful teachers and administrators.  In the school system, it’s difficult to get rid of bad teachers (thanks, in part,  to unions’ brilliant policies, but that’s another topic). So, perhaps kids learn that it doesn’t matter how godawful you are,  how disrespectful you are, you’re likely to keep your job and remain a paid employee, or remain a student or bus rider (under the threat of a lawsuit against the school).

So, did Karen Klein command the respect from the kids from her first day on the job? Or for all the other days of the fifteen years she worked as a bus monitor?  If not, why not?  Did the kids see her job as a bus monitor as nothing more than an adult getting paid to ride the bus and do very little to keep order? Did they not understand the importance of her job? Or to the kids,  is she just one more adult in the school system who is literally just along for the ride and nothing else. I don’t know.  Again, those kids are scum and she didn’t deserve it but I wonder why this happened.

In high school, I’ve seen substitute teachers brought to tears on day 1 because whatever training they had, it didn’t include managing a group. Weakness is discerned pretty quickly by kids, especially teenagers, and they will pounce and make lives hellish for new and substitute teachers. Full disclosure: I don’t know that I could cut it but I know when I’m in over my head in situations and I know how to yell “bus driver, stop the friggin’ bus! I am outta here!”  It doesn’t make it right, but ignoring the ugly side of human behavior doesn’t make it go away.  Give teachers and bus monitors the skills to manage a group OR the wisdom to remove themselves from the situation before it reaches the level it did on that bus with Karen Klein.

Rule #1: it won’t always be like this on a bus. Don’t believe me? Go see The Sweet Hereafter. Or Speed. Or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

 

One final point 5)  – Camera phones.  Parents, did you know there are cell phones out there without cameras?  (or cameras with no storage so that your kid can’t record an impromptu juniorized version of A Clockwork Orange).  What is the reason you give when you tell your more reasonable peers you had to get Skippy or Buffy an iPhone 4 ? For safety? Not true. So your brat can call or text you their every move? Or is it so your brat likes you a little bit more?  For hundreds of years, kids commuted to and from school without the hardware they carry now.   A fancy cell phone is not any better in protecting your kids than a regular, practical phone.  In fact, it’s worse. Kids don’t have good judgment and here you give them a phone that allows them to take photos/videos of anything or anyone, access most everything on the internet, and to chat with anyone on the planet.  And all they have to do in return is answer your phone call or text as you ‘check in’ on them.   So, when you treat them as if they have great enough judgment to carry around a $500 phone and behave responsibly, don’t wonder too much when it all falls apart and they reveal themselves to be the uncontrollable little monsters they are.

 

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Ronan Farrow Is Sooooooooo Smart

You might have seen this story about Woody Allen/Mia Farrow bio-kid Ronan Farrow tweeting a severe diss to his Allen:

Oy vey!

Maybe well deserved. For many, Woody Allen is straight-up creepy and unfunny. For others, he is just straight up creepy and funny. And for some, he is not creepy, but still funny.

I’d say Ronan has every right to tweet, given the basics of his family history (ronans’ dad left his mom to begin a new relationship with ronan’s adopted sister – mom and and were never married but still, weird. throw in child abuse accusations for more drama).  Anyway, Twitter is where it’s at. That’s what smart people do – tweet (#getafuckinglife). Every mention of Ronan says how smart he is and he obviously is – he started college at age 11, and, later, was a Rhodes Scholar (#dork) and now does a bunch of important stuff with the government (speechifying and global community organizin’) – we all know when you want to make a difference, working through the State Department is the way to go (#circlejerk). Just ask Syria!  Although, if he was so smart, he would have invented Facebook.

Back to the tweet and what it reveals to anyone with a pulse:

1. He’s mad at Daddy. Not because he remembers being hurt by Daddy, but also because he has been raised by his Mommy/Mia Farrow (aka Mother Earth) to hate him.  Nothing new here. Eventually one might get tired of a parent telling you what to think (or you get upset realizing that you’ve been programmed – right or wrong, it’s still annoying). Plenty of people are raised by a single parent who hates their ex because they ran off when one of the kids. I read about it all the time on Slate’s Dear Prudence. Of course, most single parents don’talso adopt a kid every week, which goes to point 2.

2. He is probably increasingly more aware that his mom is a little crazy and so that just makes his situation more frustrating, raising the anger level.  The most likely reason he went to college early was to get away (#bitchbecrazy)!  Mia makes Brangelina look childless, she adopts so many kids.  Like Woody Allen, Mia Farrow is apparently a homewrecker, having started an affair with a married man, Andre Previn, a fancy-pants musician. Farrow got pregnant (#devilspawn), and Andre left his wife for her. Something the media doesn’t talk about.  So, if you’re Ronan, and you’ve read Wikipedia, you’re thinking, ‘shit, my dad’s a creep, and my mom is an angry little hypocrite. FML!”

3. Posting on Twitter means he KNOWS it will reach Woody Allen (#passiveaggressive).  In a weird way, he is communicating with his dad and nobody else. He has not heard of email, I guess. Not really knowing anything about their whole family drama, I wonder how much communication they have or had years ago after visitations ended (#miniseriesplease!).  Of course, the tweet is  a joke his own dad would have written years ago.

3. Ronan Farrow is about 25 years old. Why now with the Twitter?  Maybe he’s new to Twitter so he’s catching up on all his witty one-liners’ about his old man (#woodyismypops). If he was soooo smart, he would save all this shit for a tell-all book, called Dreams of My Father 2: Payback’s a Bitch Named Soon Yi!  (btw, does Ronan talk to Soon Yi? Uh, probably not). But alas, Ronan has been appointed by the Obama Administration to assist in issues related to the youth and so what does that leave any government official, but loads of time to tweet and work out their personal issues online, 140 characters at a time. When Government Officials tweeet, what could go wrong (#anthonyweinersweiner).

Who knows what Ronan was thinking. I think if my Mom changed my name to ‘Ronan’ I would be pissed about it forever. And if I was a boy genius who grew up to be a BORING fucking diplomat, I’d probably start spending time on Twitter, also. Exhibit A: Ronan firing up the U.N. about youth issues.

That’s right kids – this guy’s fighting for you! All Together Now: “Let’s Go – Children! Let’s Go -Children!”

Good luck, Ronan!  (#unfocusedblogpost)

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We Need To Talk about Prometheus – spoilers

This video by Red Letter media asks a lot of questions I have about the film Prometheus, the sorta prequel to the Alien movies.

I enjoyed the movie  and the ‘big’ questions it poses near the end, but I am frustrated with the characters’ actions, which are, of course, necessary for a alien/horror/thriller (If everyone acted as they should, the film might be BORING!).

But in addition to some of the inconsistencies brought up in the video above,  there are:

1) With their security cameras, could they not see that the ‘geologist’/security guy was folded like a pretzel in front of the big door. Doesn’t anyone say “holy shit, Fred is back, he’s dead, and it looks like someone folded him up like a lawn chair!” No. Instead, they open the door, and hell breaks loose.  Again, a flame thrower? I’m not an expert but does a gas-propelled weapon run any risk of not operating correctly in an alien atmosphere?

2) The Girl With The Dragon Baby – I know there’s a reason for the ‘surgery box’ to be only for male patients (as it was funded/built for Mr. Weyland) but that was incredibly idiotic because what if at one point Mr. Weyland wanted to have a sex change?  Of course, Lisbet Salander Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) fixes her baby problem in the end and recovers faster than any patient, as moments later she’s outrunning a falling ship. No co-pay!

3) Is there ever an alien pregnancy that isn’t on hyperdrive?  One could argue that an advance/prehistoric alien race needs a quick turnaround on the babymaking venture, but one day? What books do they write for these Aliens?  What To Expect When You’re Expecting Oh Look It’s A Boy Who Is Now Bigger Than You and Wants To Rip Your Face Off?   A mother knows….

4) The video mentions it above but the two assholes who die first deserve it. They acted no better than the morons in Piranha.  These are scientists!? I guess anybody can get a college degree.  The ship lands on the planet and everyone is totally chill about landing next to an alien structure (what luck!). This is when you need the Spielberg ‘ooooohhh’ faces that he’s famous for.  Nobody was impressed and instead they hop on their ATV (electric vehicles? how does a gas engine operate in a different atmosphere? I don’t know. just asking) and motor out there without any security or plan.

5) Outrunning a storm. I liked that scene when I saw it in every. Mars. movie. ever. made.  Even in MI:4 (non-Mars movie) with Tom Cruise. I half-expected Ethan Hunt to come out of the storm on a camel and pass everyone up.  Alien Planet storms are overdone. Maybe next time they can bring a weatherman on board or next time the robot David can study up on their targeted planet’s 5 Day Forecast.

6) Charlize Theron – what was her purpose? She played no roll in the movie’s plots except to  walk up and down the halls of the ship Prometheus and stand around in a white-hot jumpsuit. The movie would have rolled out the same without her.  And is she a robot? I guess that was answered when she was too stupid to dodge the slowly falling ship. Aeon Flux, she ain’t.

7) Guy Pearce as the old man. What a waste. Why even credit the role? Somebody black goop his agent.

8) the Independence Day problem – Another alien movie, and another computer operating system that is wholly accessible to humans (this time, via David the robot – how convenient. In no time flat he’s shuffling through the alien database like he’s at dominos.com ordering a two topping pizza).  And holograms (!)  to tell us what happened in the past., but only show the last two minutes of activity, like some 7-11 store cam??

9) Super buff but modest aliens.  We get it. Advanced beings like to work out and eat low-fat, but still find the need to cover up. Why didn’t this dope just pour the stuff in the water instead of ingest it? What a show off all around.

Ripley? No. Ripped? Yes. Somebody send this guy an Insanity t-shirt!

10) Where was the cool soundtrack from the trailer (the sound from the last minute of this trailer – I don’t recall it being in the movie – maybe David took it?)

11) Did we get all the races represented in this movie? No, sorry!! Maybe next time! What did we have?

Black guy – check (and stereotypically lackadaisical and horny, redeeming himself at the end because how else is he’s going to return to Earth that he made it but that everyone else died, right?).

Asian pilot dude (Mr. NoName) who joins in the kamikaze ending- check.

White males – greedy know-it-alls.

White females – bitchy and cold.

Yes, I will see the sequel.

UPDATE: I’ve opened up Comments – feel free to leave your opinions on the movie!

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Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Legislation Revealed!

Through some online digging, I found the following proposed legislation regarding New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s efforts to curb consumption of sugary drinks by limiting drink sizes to no more than 16 ounces.

Legislation Text

By Council Members Cabrera, Arroyo, Foster, Koppell, Palma, Rivera, Seabrook, Bert, Ernie, Vacca, Barron, Dilan, Eugene,  Brewer, Chin, Dickens, Simon, Simon, Pupkin, Quinn, Rodriguez, Etcetera

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A Local Law to amend the administrative code of the city of New York, in relation to limit the portion size of sugary drinks within New York City limits.

Be it enacted by the Council as follows:

Section 1; Section 1, pages 52-53; New or amended ordinance regarding health of citizenry, especially fatties, to include limitations on sugary drinks (soda, sweetened tea, sugar drinks above 25 calories per 8 ounce serving) made available for sale at restaurants, delis, sporting arenas, movie theaters, gas stations, porn shops, churches, family barbecues, weddings, and dog funerals.

Sugary drinks as defined as non-diet sodas, and some sweetened teas and coffees favored by hipsters.  A panel will be commissioned to determine what Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper 10, and PepsiMax are supposed to be and whether they qualify under proposed size ban. A case of each male gender-targeted low calorie drinks will be ordered and distributed to council members for consumption during the Fourth of July 2012 weekend. Sodas clearly marked “diet” can continue to be purchased/sold in any cup size up to 64 ounce, so as to curtail any potential underground market by Prius-driving and/or vegan health-freaks.

Section 2; Section 2, pages 55-57; Portion sizes larger than 16 ounces will remain available at grocery stores and retail outlets such as Target. As noted previously by heard testimony, when you run into Target to get something, you always end up spending more, which often includes soda and it makes financial sense to purchase a liter of sugary drink rather than a single smaller bottle.

Section 3; Section 3, pages 60-62; Fines for violation of proposed soda size ban include written warning(s) and/or fines up to but not exceeding $100 per violation unless violation involves Shasta or RC Cola, in which case fine will be reduced fifty percent under the ‘pity rule.’

/Bloomberg/crazyideas/wtf/drafts/

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related: Sodacop, a play.

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Richard Dawson – Family Feud Host, wasn’t already dead, but now is.

I am awful. I thought Richard Dawson had already passed on. But today, it was reported he died.  There are a bunch of old actors and actresses who will surprise me later when they die, because I already thought they had.

But here, for Dawson, I won’t do a Survey Says! joke.

A rundown of his life here at wikipedia.

Several things I didn’t realize about Richard Dawson – that he was born in England. That he insisted on kissing all the female contestants as a point to those conservative television stations that objected to kissing between different races (Petula Clark kissed Nat King Cole on tv and a bunch of people had a fit;  that apparently stuck with Dawson). That he later married a contestant from Family Feud.

I can’t think of a more entertaining game show host who was so quick-witted and cool. All the game show hosts from the 70s seemed to be about the most enjoyable group of guys ever on tv, like they just stepped over from a restaurant or bar to spend a few minutes playing a game. If it was work, they didn’t make it seem so. Richard Dawson was the boss.

However, here’s a little blooper clip from the Feud that’s pretty funny, showing how one answer can derail the man:

The best games shows have a great host and a great game that allow regular people who don’t win to still have fun.

More funny:

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