Uncovered! Partial transcript of Barack Obama’s birth delivery!

(so I was trolling the internet and discovered, through my ultra-sick computer skills, a document that appears to be an excerpt of a transcript of what occurred in the delivery room where Obama was born…)

AUGUST 4, 1961,Kapiolani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital.:

NURSE: Push!
STANLEY (Obama’s mother): I am!
NURSE: I said push, you American woman, you!
STANLEY: I am pushing. I’m pushing my American baby out in this Hawaiin hospital!
BARACK, SR: Hurry up, or I’m gonna miss My Three Sons. That is an American show I love to watch.
NURSE: Push, lady!
STANLEY: I’m trying!
BARACK, SR: I’m calling the newspaper!
STANLEY: Wait! First fix that American flag we hung up over there on the wall.
BARACK, SR: Sure will! I am so glad my little baby is being born just 2 years after this great state joined the United States.
NURSE: Almost there. I can see the head. Looks American! It’s a boy! An American boy, born in Hawaii!
STANLEY: I want me some apple pie!!

(credit mark wiberg) – this is just a joke birthers, and anti-birthers. the real transcript is locked up in my trapper-keeper.

Americans Already Bored with Same Old Alaska Governor Type

This week, a study of message board and comment posts across several hundred websites indicate that a growing number of Americans are already growing tired of the current Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, and her attempts to lead the Republicans to the White House.

“So many Alaskan Governors think they know better,” one voter wrote on a message board that didn’t require a username/password. “Do they not get that Alaska and Hawaii are, like, totally far away and really don’t know what it’s like to be American.”

Sarah Palin, just one of many Alaskan Governors trying to mettle in American political affairs
Sarah Palin, just one of many Alaskan Governors trying to mettle in American political affairs

Another commenter, with 417 posts and an avatar of a laughing baby, vented to her fellow messageboarders: “From Walter Hickel to Bill Sheffeld, these Governors from this stupid state that is somewhere near Canada, think they know what’s best for the country. Why don’t they just stick with what they know – fishing, bears, and igloos.”

Governor Bill Sheffeld - just another know-it-all Governor thinking his state is part of the United States.
Governor Bill Sheffeld - one of the first know-it-all Alaskan Governors who believed his state really mattered to the rest of the country.

Obama campaign managers described the anti-Alaskan Governor trend as expected. “It’s something we saw in the numbers on our brand new Macs and wi-fi connection and clearly Alaska, as a state, needs to check itself before they wreck themselves. It’s like, just be glad we added you to the country. Don’t get greedy.”