Holmes v. Cruise v. Scientology v. Who Cares v. ObamaCare v. Blog Bait

If I don’t post about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting divorced, who will?

As we all know, on Thursday, the Supreme  Court stuck up for Obama on his ACA (ObamaCare). A day later, Katie Holmes dared to divorce the most popular Scientologist ever. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Here’s why: Katie Holmes is an unskilled worker. If you have seen any of her movies/television shows, you know this. She flaunts it. So, without a real job skill, she is and was always at risk of falling below the poverty level, living a hellish life without proper medical coverage. So, five years ago, this untalented hottie does what she needs to do – marries the first dude who asks her, and whammo! she has health insurance as a married woman to the hottest dyslexic ever born  – Mr. Tom Cruise, High Priest of the Church of Scientology and Movie Star.

This college drop-out can now leave her husband, confident that healthcare as a single, unskilled parent can be obtained cheaply with the federal government’s help.

She has sexy sex with the Movie Star, has a kid, but still finds no time to learn an employable trade. Instead, she relies on her marriage to keep her secure, to keep her health coverage. I bet they were in a PPO plan, spending her free time pushing a stroller around.

Finally, along comes ObamaCare. Katie sees a light at the end of the tunnel. That light tells her she can leave her husband, and not even work, and still possibly be covered! Praise the Lord!

Katie follows the court cases surrounding ObamaCare, understanding very little of course, but knowing very well that the law is not settled and won’t be until the Supremes review the case. She is not sure why a R&B group is involved, but she waits.

Then, last Thursday, Chief Justice John Roberts is all “ObamaCare is Here to Stay Forever, Americans, so Get Used To It!  Unless Politicians Repeal It Later!” And Katie Holmes doesn’t hear the second part and so is like “Thank Xenu, Obama and Roberts, I’m outta here. And I’m taking my baby! I can get affordable healthcare without being married to this weirdo!”

So, if you want to blame Obama for ruining the country go ahead. But know this – he also ruined the Holmes/Cruise marriage by insisting on healthcare for all, even unskilled workers like Holmes and her stupidly named space baby, Suri.    Will Election 2012 kill ObamaCare and lead Holmes running back to Cruise?Maybe – if TMZ has anything to say about it.  If it’s repealed, look for Holmes to marry soon – to anyone, solidifying her status as a benefits whore.

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Joe Kennedy – Don’t Kick A Ginger, Vote For One!

Joe Kennedy III announced today that he is running for Congress. While his family name is a help, he says being a ginger is going to cost him a few votes.

JK (left) says in his youtube announcement that BF (right) has "very large shoes" to be filled by the next representative elected. And pants, and shirt, and hat.

The cool thing about Joe Kennedy is that I can write j/k and it doesn’t mean Joe Kennedy, but it kinda does. “Just Kidding” should be the Kennedy Family’s slogan.  Besides two awful deaths (JFK and RFK) the only Kennedy Curse that I can see seems to be an idiot gene that runs dominant in the family.   Remember Caroline’s 2 hour candidacy? Um, of course you do.

 

Obama Fundraiser: $2,500 to hear Barbara Streisand, or for $5,000 you can stay home.

It was reported today that “Change You Can Believe In” presidential candidate Barack Obama will collect some cash from a September 16th fundraiser headlined by cutting-edge artist, and 17-time MTV VMA winning artist, Barbara Streisand, who currently resides at the Smithsonian.

Singer/Actress Barbara Streisand has an IQ of 323.
Singer/Actress Barbara Streisand has an IQ of 323, and has helped 1 out of 4 politicians reach the White House with her superior singing and dance skills.

The event will be a $2,500 a plate reception, with the option for Democrats in attendence to donate $5,000 if they want to leave early and avoid Streisand’s act.

Barack was said to be thrilled. “I can’t tell how many times Michelle and I listen to Barbara’s records. Really, I can’t.”

As an earlier supporter of Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and John Kerry’s in 2004, and Al Gore’s in 2000, Barbara Streisand was the obvious choice for a fundraiser.

“Hey, a broken clock is right twice a day. Sooner or later she’s gonna back a winner, and I have a good feeling about this time,” a Obama spokesman was sorta quoted as saying.

Obama Collects $20 bet from Michelle, uses the phrase “my muslim faith” in interview, “lipstick on a pig” at rally gets him $200

UPDATE:

Michelle has offered to pay Obama $200 for the “lipstick on a pig” comment – see below for details of the couple’s ‘word game’ this campaign season! This most recent dare had Michelle Obama betting her husband, Barack, that he wouldn’t dare refer to Sarah Palin using “you can put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig”

Are you serious? He really said that?
Are you serious? He really said that?

On Sunday, Barack Obama won a bet from his wife Michelle Obama over whether he would use the phrase “my muslim faith” before the month of September ended.

The Obamas love a good laugh
The Obamas love a good laugh

“It was a challenge she presented to me, and I was up to it. Listen, I knew it would freak everyone out, but that’s just something we like to do!”

The presidential candidate pointed out that the couple has an ongoing game, daring each other to say outlandish things in the press during the campaign. The biggest prize was a $100 bet that Senator Obama lost when he challenged his wife to say “for the first time in my adult life, I’m proud of my country” earlier this year.

“She did it and I was all ‘I can’t believe you said that’ and she was all ‘believe it, brother.’ We love these games.

Other phrases that the couple dared each other to use include:

August 2008: “Who gives a shit about Canada?” (Michelle dared Barack to say this, which he didn’t, losing $15)

May 2008: “I drink too much” (Barack challenged his wife to use this at rally and she did. The media failed to report it and Barack had to shell out $50).

January 2008: “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” (again, Michelle challenged Barack to say this during the primary debates. Barack chickened out, and paid her $25).

All told, Michelle is up several hundred dollars in their little parlor game. The couple confesses they will continue the game through his presidential term, should he win.

“I’m going to win – it says so in the Koran.” Obama said, and laughed, acknowledging that last line will earn him $75 from Michelle.

Obama, Father of Two, Insists On Continuing Campaign for Presidency

Dismissing criticisms and demands by liberal bloggers to drop out of the presidential race to focus on his children, Barack Obama said he would continue, despite the fact that his kids recently scored “average” on their academic tests and continually ignore directions to keep their rooms clean.

Father of two children, Barack Obama says hes running for office to get away from his kids.
Father of two children, Barack Obama says he's running for office to get away from his kids.

“I know there are a lot of critics out there who say I should stay home, raise my kids, and not run for office. But, the kids are young. The littlest one – I can’t recall her name – just learn to read and, quite frankly, she isn’t that good at it. And when she’s reading to me or telling me a story, I get a little bored – she’s not exactly Garrison Keillor, if you know what I mean. I love my kids, but I just need my space.”

What about vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, mother of five, including one with special needs?

“Listen,” he offered. “I have special needs – I especially need to get away from my own kids.”

Obama says “two” is the magic number. “I think if you have more than two kids, any decision to do anything other than raise their kids is entirely selfish. Look how the Kennedys turned out. Did you see that movie The Hills Have Eyes? That’s the Kennedys, unsupervised.”

The Kennedys - Not Stay At Home Parents
The Kennedys - Not Stay At Home Parents

Terminator 3 Robot Inspires Creation of Cindy McCain 3000 Robot

As the new Cindy McCain 3000 robot finds its way into the hearts of America, details behind the robot design can now be revealed. Designers admitted today that the T-X, from the masterpiece film Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, was the inspiration in creating the CM3K.

Rise of the McCains
Rise of the McCains - New Robot Wows America

Designers also admitted the the reported “broken wrist” was, in fact, a mechanical defect that had to be repaired in Reston, VA.

“The CM3K was designed in campaigning in mind, but we did not anticipate the amount of pressure placed on the robot limbs with all the handshaking,” reported one engineer.

The decision to go with the T-X design was an easy one. “We’re not going to build a politician’s wife to be ordinary. We wanted to go with a popular robot design and our research poll numbers indicated that the ‘hot’ model from the movie T3 was the way to go.”

Obama: “We’re Not Going to Be Bullied!” Reality Responds: “Um, Yes You Are.”

Bon Jovi superfan and presidential candidate Barack Obama today said that his campaign “would not be bullied.” He issued this statement at a Bon Jovi concernt, in front of dozens of NJ residents.

Obama can hear music five miles away
Obama can hear music 5 miles away.

When asked to name his favorite Bon Jovi song, Obama responded: “Living On A Prayer, of course. A Christian prayer, by the way, because I am a Christian and nothing else.”

In 2004, Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!
In 2004, rocker Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!

Obama added that they were not going to be smeared or lied about.

The McCain / Palin campaign responded quickly. “Once again, Barack Obama is wrong. He was wrong on the war, wrong on the surge, and he is wrong at the Bon Jovi concert. He will, in fact, be bullied, smeared, and lied about. That’s what we do and that’s what they do. It’s called politics and, like making sausage, it gets kinda ugly.”

Later, a reporter was able to ask vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin what her favorite Bon Jovi song was, and she responded without hesitation. “Thank You For Loving Me.”

Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?
Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?

Other candidates weighed in.

Joe Biden: “No idea who Bon Jovi is, sorry.”

John McCain: “Let me get back to you on this. I have seven of their albums, I’m just not sure which ones.”