Obama: “We’re Not Going to Be Bullied!” Reality Responds: “Um, Yes You Are.”

Bon Jovi superfan and presidential candidate Barack Obama today said that his campaign “would not be bullied.” He issued this statement at a Bon Jovi concernt, in front of dozens of NJ residents.

Obama can hear music five miles away
Obama can hear music 5 miles away.

When asked to name his favorite Bon Jovi song, Obama responded: “Living On A Prayer, of course. A Christian prayer, by the way, because I am a Christian and nothing else.”

In 2004, Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!
In 2004, rocker Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!

Obama added that they were not going to be smeared or lied about.

The McCain / Palin campaign responded quickly. “Once again, Barack Obama is wrong. He was wrong on the war, wrong on the surge, and he is wrong at the Bon Jovi concert. He will, in fact, be bullied, smeared, and lied about. That’s what we do and that’s what they do. It’s called politics and, like making sausage, it gets kinda ugly.”

Later, a reporter was able to ask vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin what her favorite Bon Jovi song was, and she responded without hesitation. “Thank You For Loving Me.”

Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?
Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?

Other candidates weighed in.

Joe Biden: “No idea who Bon Jovi is, sorry.”

John McCain: “Let me get back to you on this. I have seven of their albums, I’m just not sure which ones.”

Laura Bush Unveils new 3000 model of Cindy McCain robot

At the Republican National Convention, First Lady Laura Bush introduced to the world the latest in robotic science when she introduced the stylish Cindy McCain 3000. Outfitted in gold silk, the CM3K approached the podium, waving to the adoring crowd.

Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium
Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium

Fluent in only English and several Spanish words, the Cindy McCain 3000 robot has a 1TB hard-drive and 5 gb dual-processors, as well as audio and video processors allowing for basic communication and movement.

“I am very proud of my country,” and “Please welcome, John McCain” are two of 40,000 phrases programmed into the robot, which costs an estimated $23.5 million dollars. An ATM installed above the spleen allows CM3K owners to withdraw money in 10 different currencies, with no option for deposit.

The Cindy McCain 3000 promises to be an improvement over some of the earlier versions, including the original Cindy McCain98, which ran on Windows and was perceived as too severe.

Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations
Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations

UPDATE HERE on robot inspiration for CM3k.

Wasilla, AK Mayor Dianne Keller to follow Sarah Palin – aims for the White House!

Sept 2, 2008. Wasilla, AK (MW):

Current mayor of Wasilla, Dianne Keller, has today announced her intention to run for Vice president of the United States in 2016. In her statement, she said she has “totally big plans and stuff” for when she occupies the Vice Presidency.

Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate
Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate

With all the attention former Mayor Sarah Palin has received as John McCain’s pick for vice president, Mayor Keller has been able to quietly form a committee designed to get her into the White House in 2016. She has 12 years of city council and mayorship experience and so is currently more qualified than either Sarah Palin or presidential hopeful Barack Obama, according to local Alaskans.

Although it is 2008, Diane Keller is a politician who prefers to remember the past – keeping the 2006 Mission and Goals statement on the website as of today.

“The past is where it’s at,” Keller said. “That is why, like, when I am elected Vice President in 2016, I’m going to make sure that everything is done like it was two years prior. That we freeze time for two years.”

Keller describes her self as a radical independent. “I will totally vote or not vote for someone, and I don’t care what any of them down at Chepo’s say.”

A private person, Keller says she has already been vetted by none other than former Senator Fred Thompson. “Yeah, he called me and said in 8 years he will be ancient enough to run for the presidency and he would consider me for vice presidency but that I gotta clear up some bills I have at the Fred Meyer’s.”

CBS picks up Northern Exposure for more episodes, citing Palin popularity

CBS confirmed today that net execs have signed onto the production of 22 more episodes of the canceled television series, Northern Exposure, now titled North3rn Exposur3. Net execs say the selection of vice prez nominee Sarah Palin played a large part in the upcoming production.

Northern Exposure 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.
North3rn Exposur3 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.

“We looked at Palin, and the reaction to her, and thought “how did we miss “moose hotdogs? Snow mobiles? Wasilla? ANWAR? Polar bears?” said one executive. “There’s obviously more material out there for Dr. Joel Fleischman and other characters I can’t remember to go after. I think Alaska was a state when we produced the show, but now, it’s on the map.”

The Emmy award winning series is set to begin production late next week because everyone involved with the show, especially the cast, are free to work.

“I haven’t worked in television in years,” Rob Morrow said. “Oh, wait – I’m in the show Numb3rs. I forgot. Well, I know the others haven’t because they all work at the same Target store on Sepulveda Boulevard in the valley.”

Laura Bush disses Cindy McCain – refuses to sign cast

This past weekend, First Lady Laura Bush denied her possible successor’s request to have her wrist’s cast signed. It was earlier this summer that Cindy McCain broke her wrist in the Bronze Medal Round of the Beijing Olympics in the Shot Put competition.

Cindy McCain (right) with her unsigned cast.
Cindy McCain (right), with her unsigned cast, standing next to an agitated First Lady.

“Ask me all you want why I won’t sign it!” Mrs. Bush said later at a press conference, clearly irritated with reporters. “Ask it again, and I’ll come over there and kick your ass! I ain’t signing!”

Crazy prediction: Sarah Palin drops out

While not funny and not photoshopped, I thought I’d share a possible scenario with this presidential campaign and election:

John McCain’s selection for Vice President, Sarah Palin, enjoys the spotlight for a few weeks, does the campaign thing, but eventually changes her mind and asks to be removed from the ticket, for whatever reason (kids, criticism, etc). Then, McCain selects someone with more experience, more age, and moves forward with campaign and wins the election. (Yeah, I know she just joined the campaign, but stranger things have happened!)

Why would this happen?

Her brief stint as a VP selection would serve to steal some of the media attention for a few days from Obama/Biden, following his historic speech, raise a lot of money from happy conservatives, and draw out the mean-spirited critiques of Sarah Palin, which might serve McCain’s to advantage as some may be turned off by Democratic attacks of the first Republican woman to be picked for the VP slot.

If this did happen, I don’t know if it would have been pre-planned, but it’s something to consider if one was cynical enough. I’m posting this so I can look prophetic. I am very impressed with this guy, who started a “Palin for VP” blog back in February 2007 – talk about being ahead of the pack. If Palin resigns, I want the media calling me.

UPDATED:

A portion of what I wrote in the Comments section re: this post:

When I wrote the post, I was only practicing cynicism, half-heartedly, following a phone call with a friend about why she was picked; I said it would be an unusually wild plan – to throw out bait in the form of Palin, as it were, to stir up both sides for different reasons to their advantage (ie, Obama? where’d he go? It’s all Palin, all the time now), and then pull her back and proceed with someone else. On purpose. Maybe Ashton Kutcher will hold a press conference with John McCain and yell “You’ve been punk’d!” Now, I don’t think this is true, but doing this ACCIDENTALLY isn’t out of the realm of possibilities!!

I’ll add this was posted before any of the idiotic smears showed up on the internet. I was just thinking of usual, expected political attacks that might allow for a big switch. Politics is mostly theater and this year it’s been amazing on both sides.

MORE UPDATE: Sunday evening, CNN’s Anderson Cooper blogs about a ‘what if’ Bobby Jindal had been selected – some of the comments relate to my own on this subject.

9/3/08 UPDATE:    Brief article on this possibility – the Prediction Market is taking bets on Palin withdrawing.

So, it is proven: I can write a few paragraphs without obvious and silly false statements and made-up photos afterall! (it’ll happen, the serious writing, but not often). — Mark