Unofficial lyrics for You Forgot About Valentine’s Day – Zooey Deschanel on Saturday Night Live

Here’s the (unofficial) lyrics of the song performed by Zoeey Deschanel, You Forgot About Valentine’s Day, on Saturday Night Live (February 11, 2012)


This song’s for all the ladies out there. It’s about the moment where your fella comes throught he door on Valentine’s and you see that look in his eye…you know the one I mean…

It’s February
The day’s 14th
But from the look on your face
You don’t know what that means
Don’t even try it, don’t try to deny it
You forgot it was Valentines’ day
You tried to scramble and whip something up
But your balloons say Happy Birthday your card says Mazel tov
There’s no mistaking
Don’t bother faking
You forgot it was Valentine’s Day
I bought you a sweater and baked you some cupcakes
And put on some nice lingerie
You gave me your iPod and the cash in your pockets
And a USA Today
(and it wasn’t even from today it was from an old hotel)
You said you made plans
But it didn’t seem right
When we went to Olive Garden at 11:15 at night
Your reserveration should be in quotations
You forgot about Valentines day
I know I’m angry
But later I’ll be fine
You’re just a moron
But at least your mine
And you can bet I’ll never let you forget
When you forgot about Valentine’s Day.

A few years ago I transcribed another SNL song and that is regularly visited, so we’ll see how many visit this one!

SNL’s Ode to Tracking Number (the lyrics), and more on this American (parody) classic

Ode to a Tracking Number, by Ton and Tanya Peeples. I can’t get that song out of my head, perhaps because more often than I care to, I have to read off tracking numbers to UPS or FedEx.

Kristen Wiig and Paul Rudd singin' 'bout a tracking number!
Kristen Wiig and Paul Rudd singin' 'bout a tracking number!

It’s a parody, inspired by the classic Ode to Billie Joe’s story-telling ways, and is performed by actor Paul Rudd (Ton) and Kristen Wiig (Tanya, or is it Tonya?) on Saturday Night Live (see there, kids, that show doesn’t totally suck all the time!):

Here it is at videogum (since I can’t embed video, it appears, from non-youtube sites….and hulu doesn’t have it)

July 2010 – just realized the video has been pulled, probably some time ago. Sorry. If you know where it’s at online, let me know.

AND HERE ARE THE LYRICS (transcribed by me, who has too much time on his hands today  – I think I got it right but let me know if I missed a number or got the customer names wrong! I’m not sure why I put the quotes in.)

Ode to Tracking Number

It was morning just like any other morning in the Georgia hill   (wiig)

She heard a knocking at her door and up her spine she felt a tingly chill  (rudd)

And she stumbled to the door and said “hey who’s that on the other side?” (wiig)

“I gotta package here for Lester Carl and Eleanor Alisha Pride.” (rudd)

She said listen here those people that you’re talking about they live next door. (wiig)

And he said “Wait a second isn’t this 5407 Johnson Road?”  (rudd)

She said “Yes it is but this here is a duplex and they live in back.” (wiig)

Then he said “Let me call my manager so I can get this package tracked.” (rudd)

Then he said “Lady can I use your phone my cell ain’t got no signal that’s clear.”  (wiig)

And she said “Sure enough but careful there’s a lot of broken glass over here.”  (rudd)

And he tip-toed to the kitchen and he called his manager Jerome. (wiig)

He started reading off the tracking number right into her M & M phone. (rudd)

He said  “31256935673452”  (wiig)

Then he continued “TKX45201267Q.”   (rudd)

Then he looked at her real weird and said “the rest is covered by tape.”  (wiig)

And then he lifted up the tape and read “J712438.”  (rudd)

“57143577GLD5Q”  (wiig)

Then it continues with “BR476913AP2”  (rudd)

Which was followed by an “asterisk then PPDL dash Q dash.”  (wiig)

and then “a lower case ‘u’ hyphen 55732….”.  (rudd)

And, in enjoying this song, I revisited the inspiration for this song, Ode to Billie Joe, and the performances by the singer/songwriter Bobbie Gentry. Here are two videos that show how great she is:

Niki Hoeky:

Ode To Billie Joe:

Joe Biden vs. Sarah Palin – Debate Preview, Answers to Debate Questions!

The two brightest people in America will go at it on Thursday, October 2, 2008 – they will match wits, trade barbs, be wily. But enough about Andy vs Dwight from “The Office!” (NBC is so in the tank for Andy Bernard, it makes me sick. They should just let Dwight win Angela!).

The other event – Joe Versus the Barracuda. Spoiler alert: America wins! Because I have been following for, oh, about twenty days, I think I can provide expert analysis on this whole debate thing between the Veeps (veeps is insider talk for VP which stands for Vice Prez, which stands for Vice President).

Biden plans to leave half his IQ back in Delaware "to make it fair," he says.
Biden plans to leave half his IQ back in Delaware, "because," he says "he want's the debate to be close."

Sarah Palin will be wearing – just joking!!!! I’m not going to describe what a female politician is wearing because that would be sexist. As long as she looks hot, then I’m all good with whatever she says. Joe Biden will be wearing the same suit he wore in 1972 when he left his lucrative one-year career as a lawyer and traded down to be a politician.

The debate will start with lame thank yous to the host, the audience and the building hosting the debate. Except Sarah Palin will say “thanks, but no thanks” to an offer of a glass of water.

The “moderator,” Gwen Ifill, will ask a series of incredibly stupid questions. Both candidates will answer them with their standard campaign-rally answers. But HERE, on this site, is a preview to some of their answers. I won’t give away the questions. I’ll let you hear those on Thursday night.


Biden: “I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one of them.” (the crowd will oooh and aaah – the next morning Jay-Z’s record label will file a suit against Obama-Biden).

Palin: Biden, Hemingway called, he wants you back in that boat and on the sea pronto!”

Biden: I know foreign policy. I’ve been everywhere. When you’re from Delaware, you want to travel! (the next day, Delaware Chamber of Commerce files a lawsuit against Biden).

Palin: I read newspapers. Both sides. And I have seen all three Bourne movies, so, please, I know foreign policy.

Biden: I didn’t hear the question, Gwen. I was busy admiring my last answer.

Palin: My favorite SNL skit this season? Oh, I’d say the one with the Joe Biden parody. Oh, you say that hasn’t happened yet. Interesting…

Palin: Hillary Clinton is a woman with 18 million cracks.

Biden: My wife is one of those cracks. One of the good ones. (the next day, his wife files for divorce)

The debate will end with a handshake – between “moderator” Gwen Ifill and Joe Biden. She will nod to him like “see, I told you and O that I was gonna do you a solid.” Biden will act like he knows what she meant but later will ask Obama – “what’s a solid?” He will say “it’s like a favor,” but Biden will still feel like it means something else and remain suspicious of his exotic partner and politician.

Andy Bernard and Dwight Schrute, American heroes.
Andy Bernard and Dwight Schrute, American heroes.

My SNL audition – writing! the Incesticide edition!

Hey, how brilliant is Saturday Night Live these days? I am thinking of submitting the following ideas, about how newspapers are out-of-touch and plain ol’ crazy, and go after unsubstantiated rumor/stories such as:

Tina Fey got that scar on her chin when she had sex with her dad.

Obama has sex with his daughters.

Lorne Michaels had sex with all the dead players from SNL – yeah, after they were dead, too.

Senate candidate and SNL writer Al Franken has sex with his sons.

Geez, that was easy. I think I have “it” to write for SNL. The sad thing is, years ago that would have been my dream job but I’ve learned since then how you have to be Ivy League material. (because you know, only Ivy League writers know ‘funny.’)

"Saturday Night Live," because "Circle Jerk" was taken
"Saturday Night Live," because "Circle Jerk" was too obvious.

Seriously, this post is just pointing out that being edgy in a skit doesn’t mean being stupidly offensive, as the show was last week. The SNL shows have always been about 25% funny, and 75% lame – a little less so lately. That’s not exactly news, I know, but I wish it weren’t so. This latest program shows that they are headed into a season with some of the worst writing EVER. They know they’ve lost the ‘cool’ factor to The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and even Geraldo Live (I mean, did you see Geraldo falling in the water – that’s funnier than anything on SNL)

One reason: the talent pool. They keep going to the same ‘sketch comedy’ dork schools – all self-referential, all aware that existing at said ‘sketch comedy’ dork school may lead to SNL (their dream). And apparently nobody at SNL can remember one single line of dialogue. Instead, it’s 90 minutes of ‘talent’ trying to read their lines casually while trying to be funny. And don’t give me the “they only have one week to rehearse” when in fact they spend most of the week dicking around, selecting the skits late in the week. Whose fault is that?. Lorne Michaels, Canadian.

The show is on auto-pilot, has been for about 20 years. There are more laughs in a GEICO commercial. The reason: Lorne Michaels. Yes, he created the show, produces it now, and apparently is one lazy dude.

If there’s no other indication that the show is on auto-pilot is the opening monologue. No matter who is the host, no matter what is going on, the monologue ALWAYS ends with “so stick around we’ve got a great show!” – BORING. And then the rest of the show goes into ‘same’ mode. How about having a stand-up comedian somewhere in the middle of the show, like the old days? Or having a host because they are funny, not because they are plugging their latest show. And how about a 20 year ban on athletes performing?

Yeah, I cant believe you watch this either
"Yeah, I can't believe anyone still watches SNL, either."