My SNL audition – writing! the Incesticide edition!

Hey, how brilliant is Saturday Night Live these days? I am thinking of submitting the following ideas, about how newspapers are out-of-touch and plain ol’ crazy, and go after unsubstantiated rumor/stories such as:

Tina Fey got that scar on her chin when she had sex with her dad.

Obama has sex with his daughters.

Lorne Michaels had sex with all the dead players from SNL – yeah, after they were dead, too.

Senate candidate and SNL writer Al Franken has sex with his sons.

Geez, that was easy. I think I have “it” to write for SNL. The sad thing is, years ago that would have been my dream job but I’ve learned since then how you have to be Ivy League material. (because you know, only Ivy League writers know ‘funny.’)

"Saturday Night Live," because "Circle Jerk" was taken
"Saturday Night Live," because "Circle Jerk" was too obvious.

Seriously, this post is just pointing out that being edgy in a skit doesn’t mean being stupidly offensive, as the show was last week. The SNL shows have always been about 25% funny, and 75% lame – a little less so lately. That’s not exactly news, I know, but I wish it weren’t so. This latest program shows that they are headed into a season with some of the worst writing EVER. They know they’ve lost the ‘cool’ factor to The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and even Geraldo Live (I mean, did you see Geraldo falling in the water – that’s funnier than anything on SNL)

One reason: the talent pool. They keep going to the same ‘sketch comedy’ dork schools – all self-referential, all aware that existing at said ‘sketch comedy’ dork school may lead to SNL (their dream). And apparently nobody at SNL can remember one single line of dialogue. Instead, it’s 90 minutes of ‘talent’ trying to read their lines casually while trying to be funny. And don’t give me the “they only have one week to rehearse” when in fact they spend most of the week dicking around, selecting the skits late in the week. Whose fault is that?. Lorne Michaels, Canadian.

The show is on auto-pilot, has been for about 20 years. There are more laughs in a GEICO commercial. The reason: Lorne Michaels. Yes, he created the show, produces it now, and apparently is one lazy dude.

If there’s no other indication that the show is on auto-pilot is the opening monologue. No matter who is the host, no matter what is going on, the monologue ALWAYS ends with “so stick around we’ve got a great show!” – BORING. And then the rest of the show goes into ‘same’ mode. How about having a stand-up comedian somewhere in the middle of the show, like the old days? Or having a host because they are funny, not because they are plugging their latest show. And how about a 20 year ban on athletes performing?

Yeah, I cant believe you watch this either
"Yeah, I can't believe anyone still watches SNL, either."