Joe Biden: Why Can’t I Be Smeared!

Late Friday night, Delaware-not-Pennsylvania Senator and vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden complained to the press that absolutely nobody was investigating him. He admitted he was extremely disappointed that the McCain campaign had yet to send a team of lawyers to his home state to research his activities.

I wont be ignored. Senator Joe Biden wants his time in the spotlight to make a gaffe.
"I won't be ignored." Senator Joe Biden wants his time in the spotlight to make a gaffe.

“I have skeletons in my closet, people. I have a high IQ, so my skeletons are very smart. The closet is unlocked, too. Please, pick up the phone, find something out about me. I’m a baaad guy.”

Despite hundreds of hours of media spent on the Republican vice-presidential canddiate, Sarah Palin, Barack Obama’s choice has barely registered with the American voter.

“Give me time, and I promise, I will make a gaffe or say something so inappropriate that you’ll wonder why I’m not in prison. I’m a gaffe-making-machine – just turn me on!”

Biden said if needed, he would buy air time to reveal some of his awful decisions made while a U.S. Senator for over 30 years.

“I will pay to be smeared. That’s how serious I am about winning the vice-presidency.

“I’ve been here forever, and believe me, in what little I’ve done, there are plenty of scratch-your-head moments. Did you know I voted for the United States to bomb Canada during the Stanley Cup finals? I did. I’m a total f*ck up. Just look into it, for Chrissakes!”

Barack Obama couldn’t be reached for comment, according to his advisors. “He’s too busy emailing his suporters. Something John McCAin cannot do.”

NBC’s David Gregory says “you’re in my seat, losers!” to Olbermann and Matthews

Stretch to the rescue!
Stretch to the rescue!

Today, dork reporter David Gregory came in to his house after a few games of hoops, a game tall people play, and he gets a phone call:

NBC/MSNBC: Hey, David, this is your boss.

David Gregory: What’s up? And call me ‘Stretch,’ like the Prez, please.

NBC/MSNBC: We’re moving the idiots.

David Gregory: You’re getting rid of Matt and Meredith?

NBC/MSNBC: No. The other ones.

(brief silence)

David Gregory: I’m at a loss. Which ones?

NBC/MSNBC: Olbermann and Matthews – but just from prime time news coverage on this election stuff. They still have their shows.

David Gregory: That’s cool. Whatever. I get to sit in the big chair, right? Next to Brokaw and Williams?

NBC/MSNBC: Yes. But there’s one thing.

David Gregory: What is it?

NBC/MSNBC: You have to call David Shuster every morning to wake him up. Scarborough says the dude is lazy.


Hardballer Chris Matthews just got pwned by Stretch
Keith Olbermann just cares too much. Sigh.
Keith Olbermann's biggest fault? He just cares too much.

Random Thoughts

last week they said the “Meet the Press” show chair would be empty, in honor of Tim Russert’s unexpected passing.  That’s good cuz I would’ve been freaked out if they had placed his body in the chair and continued on like all was normal.  It’s what they do with Larry King on CNN each night.  The 4th branch of government (media) is so in love with itself that it is embarrassing.  And what does it say about politicians who treat the death of a journalist as though it was one of their own. Politicians (public servants) are elected by the people, and are supposed to be accountable to them; this being done usually through the reporting done by ‘objective’ journalists. But pols know they are protected by the bigger media, and whenever one of them dies, especially one who protected their asses, they grieve because there’s always the chance that the dead journalist will be replaced with a real reporter who will ask real questions and expose them as the power-hungry incompetents they really are.  All those Sunday morning talk shows are bullshit spin rooms selling soap and cars.  And television journalists are the least important and effective journalists working today.  There’s better reporting done in the PennySaver’s in each small town. When is the last time any on-air personality investigated anything other than child predators or Britney Spear’s legal battles.  I’m sorry Tim Russert’s dead – it sucks for his friends and family (believe me, I know – my own dad died suddenly of a heart attack – didn’t you catch the 72 hours of news coverage about it?  Neither did I.), but a little perspective, please. Is the big media gonna get this hysterical everytime now one of their own dies? Barbara Walters? Dan Rather? and any other ‘journalist’ over 60? America will continue on just fine without any media person who’se primary job is to allow politicians to excuse their behaviors and decisions each week.

Why did I write the above? It’s been covered just as well elsewhere but why not. Good writing exercise, I guess.