DNC, night 3, wrap up! Clinton, Biden! part 1

Bill Clinton totally gave his all, didn’t he? But I’m a little disappointed that the man from Hope didn’t bring up the issue that is most pressing: Spaghetti Cat.

If the Democrats, and Bill Clinton, don’t want to deal with Spaghetti Cat, then I guess the Republicans will. I’m just saying.

What did Bill say tonight? Here goes:

“Hey, America. It’s good to be here, a mile high, surrounded by supporters, the ones I love and the ones who love me, and, of course, my wife Hillary. You’re all my BFFs, as the college kids of today say. Hey America, sit down – I have a heart condition and can’t stand here forever. S’down!

I’m here tonight to tell you to vote for Barack Hussein Obama. I’m not here to discourage voters to vote for Barack Hussein Obama – just as I wouldn’t discourage you to vote for someone named Peter Hitler Smith. No way. No McCain!

Obama is a man who many say is experienced and ready for the job. And I agree that many actually say that, so that is why I’m here tonight – to tell you that many in our party think he can do the job and that’s important, if you believe them or whatever.

And what about Joe Biden? What a guy. Hillary was gonna pick him, y’know? Yeah – totally was gonna pick him as veep. You know what I’m talking about. 18 million of you out there know. And you all know I’m from Hope, Arkansas, which is in the United States. In the heartland, but I don’t get me wrong, I don’t go back there unless I have to. But, Obama – Obama says he’s from Hawaii and that’s good enough for me. So, get out there and vote, and if things don’t go our way, we’ll know we tried, or something. And remember, Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, or 2012, whichever one – tomorrow or 2012 – it’s all the same. TTYL.

DNC, night 2, Hillary!

So Hillary Clinton gave her speech today and is all ‘go ahead and support Obama, see if I care,’ then Bill Clinton stood up and wagged his finger at everyone around him and then stormed out. Then James Carville could be heard hollering “get ’em!” and then Hillary revealed secret documents that showed Obama is a muslim, the top muslim of the entire world, and a terrorist, too, and a bad daddy and even badder half-brother and then everyone in the convention center took a vote and replaced Obama with Hillary, and Michelle O was okay with it because she wants to go back to practicing law. Hillary cried and thanked the crowd. The end.