DNC, night 3, Clinton, Biden, and Obama, MSNBC, part 3!

So Obama shows up at the end and says ‘thanks, Biden, for remembering my name.’ Then he takes out a coin and tosses it to Biden, and says “Keep the Change” and he winks knowingly and they fist-bump, only Biden breaks his hand and starts to cry so they take him off stage. And then Obama gives a shout out to Bill Clinton, who will not be the First Man next year, but instead will return to NY to continue his studies of global politics and solutions to poverty, and to catch up with E!’s show “Girls Next Door.” Then Obama waves to the crowd and Fox News reports that Obama whispered “dirka dirka” to Biden earlier, proving once again that Obama lives a double-life as a muslim, speaks muslim, and that plans for a White House basement-level mosque are in the works.

Meanwhile, the dolts at MSNBC seem hellbent on destroying each other while “reporting/analyzing” the Democratic Convention this week. Olbermann, Matthews, Scarborough, Shuster, etc. are hilariously dysfunctional. It’s like that scene from Reservoir Dogs, with Steve Buscemi telling everyone to act like professionals. MSNBC needs a professional reporter to babysit all of them. I wonder if this kinda crap would be going on if Tim Russert were alive?

So, here’s an example of the lovefest at MSNBC. Remember these people work for the same cable channel. I guess Olbermann’s “Worse Person In The World” will be sourced from within soon.

It’s great television, though useless for the voters! (as usual, right?).

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DNC, night 3, Clinton, Biden! part 2

A preview of Joe Biden’s speech:

It’s an honor to be here tonight to share my IQ with you fellow Democrats. As a senator for many, many years, I know what change is all about. Change is what you pull out of your pants pocket and put on the kitchen table and stare at, when you’re hungry from walking to and from the train station. And sitting at that kitchen table, you wonder if you can stack that change, mostly quarters and nickels, as high as you did the night before so you begin stacking the change on the kitchen table and then it all falls down and that is bad, America. You do not want your change to fall down on the kitchen table or anywhere else.

If you’re against change, then you’re against me and my change. You’re for something else that I don’t know anything about. I come from Pennsylvania, a state that I will mention a lot over the next few months because it’s a swing state, but I represent another state you care nothing about, a state the size of a Walmart. So I am a Regular Joe who comes from two states, one of them a swing state, with only the change in his pocket and one kitchen table. I have had the same easy job for 35 years and that is something every American knows something about. I take the train to work – who doesn’t, right? All it takes is a little change to get there and back. And did you see how I brought the “change” motif back into my speech. Pretty lame, I know, but remember that next time you ask me to write my own speech. Remember, a vote for Obama is a vote for me, a regular joe, who happens to know how Washington works.

The phenom - Spaghetti Biden
The phenom - Spaghetti Biden

DNC, night 3, wrap up! Clinton, Biden! part 1

Bill Clinton totally gave his all, didn’t he? But I’m a little disappointed that the man from Hope didn’t bring up the issue that is most pressing: Spaghetti Cat.

If the Democrats, and Bill Clinton, don’t want to deal with Spaghetti Cat, then I guess the Republicans will. I’m just saying.

What did Bill say tonight? Here goes:

“Hey, America. It’s good to be here, a mile high, surrounded by supporters, the ones I love and the ones who love me, and, of course, my wife Hillary. You’re all my BFFs, as the college kids of today say. Hey America, sit down – I have a heart condition and can’t stand here forever. S’down!

I’m here tonight to tell you to vote for Barack Hussein Obama. I’m not here to discourage voters to vote for Barack Hussein Obama – just as I wouldn’t discourage you to vote for someone named Peter Hitler Smith. No way. No McCain!

Obama is a man who many say is experienced and ready for the job. And I agree that many actually say that, so that is why I’m here tonight – to tell you that many in our party think he can do the job and that’s important, if you believe them or whatever.

And what about Joe Biden? What a guy. Hillary was gonna pick him, y’know? Yeah – totally was gonna pick him as veep. You know what I’m talking about. 18 million of you out there know. And you all know I’m from Hope, Arkansas, which is in the United States. In the heartland, but I don’t get me wrong, I don’t go back there unless I have to. But, Obama – Obama says he’s from Hawaii and that’s good enough for me. So, get out there and vote, and if things don’t go our way, we’ll know we tried, or something. And remember, Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, or 2012, whichever one – tomorrow or 2012 – it’s all the same. TTYL.

DNC, night 2, Hillary!

So Hillary Clinton gave her speech today and is all ‘go ahead and support Obama, see if I care,’ then Bill Clinton stood up and wagged his finger at everyone around him and then stormed out. Then James Carville could be heard hollering “get ’em!” and then Hillary revealed secret documents that showed Obama is a muslim, the top muslim of the entire world, and a terrorist, too, and a bad daddy and even badder half-brother and then everyone in the convention center took a vote and replaced Obama with Hillary, and Michelle O was okay with it because she wants to go back to practicing law. Hillary cried and thanked the crowd. The end.

DNC, night one, Michelle Obama, Kennedy4ever

What I thought of tonight’s DNC:

Boring but that could just be the post-Olympics depression. Where’s Bob Costas?

Ted Kennedy – dead man walking. No other opinion cuz I’m tired of the Kennedys. Ooops – I guess that’s an opinion.

Michelle Obama – nice, but boring, but her kids were amusing and real.

Overall, typical but no real fodder for stand-up comedians, so kinda worthless. Except possibly the lady in the video introduction to Michelle Obama. All I could think of was this, at around 2:55 on this video (warning: shaky cam):