Whitney Houston Funeral DVD On Sale Now!

Hey America, act now and purchase the Official Whitney Houston Funeral DVD, which was aired on every “news” channel the morning of February 18, 2012.  Running time: 4 hours/ Bonus features include:

Audio Commentary by party friends (aka Enablers). Listen as they explain how they let their golden goose party all week long before her death!
Trivia! Can you name Whitney Houston’s last recorded song? That’s okay, nobody can! But we’re all such BIG fans.
Music videos! These antiquated art pieces showcased popular songs of their day.
Crack is Whack – a documentary about celebrities and their super awesome health care provider network. Never before scene footage of below-average physicians working with the world’s most famous (and important) people.
An essay by the Reverend Jesse Jackson “Yes, I Will Be At Every Televised Funeral”

On sale now for $29.99 you cheap bastards.

Related: Celebrity Mortality Rates Skyrocket

Celebrity Mortality Rate Under Obama Administration Skyrockets!

Quick – can you name one celebrity that died during the G.W. Bush Administration? I didn’t think so. Neither can I. Yet, under the current administration, we have seen the following talent pass away:

Whitney Houston, Etta James, Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Teddy Pendergrass, Brittany Murphy, Ron Silver, Natasha Richardson, Bea Arthur, Dom Deluise, David Carradine, Clarence Clemmons, Jackie  Cooper, John Hughes, Leslie Nielsen, Gary Coleman, Patrick Swazye, Farrah Fawcett, Richard Harris, Amy Winehouse, Peter Falk, Jeff Conaway, Harry Morgan, Patrice O’Neal, and Corey Haim, just to name a few. There’s probably hundreds more that we don’t know about.  But I think we’re averaging 1.2 celebrity deaths a day. We are hemorrhaging talent, America. Strangely, the Baldwin brothers are immune to this phenomenon.

Obviously, the Obama policies are stressing out the celebrity population. At this rate, the Academy Awards will be a half-attended affair in 2014 because everyone who acts or sings will be DEAD! So keep that in mind when voting.  Vote for Obama and watch, helplessly, as more celebrities die, or vote for someone else and know that a new album or movie by your favorite star will soon be released.

This message has been approved by the Vote to Elect Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, Barr, Nader campaign organizations. 2012.