This Timothy Geithner (Timmy!) is a great money-man. You can read all about it in his unpublished book:
Pay Shmay – An American’s Guide To Taxes.
In case you don’t know who Timothy Geithner is, he is one of the two below. One knows his name and the other one uses off-the-shelf software to cheat on his taxes.
Lesson learned – If you can’t pay the IRS, get a job with them. And if you can beat them, well, run the IRS.
Ode to a Tracking Number, by Ton and Tanya Peeples. I can’t get that song out of my head, perhaps because more often than I care to, I have to read off tracking numbers to UPS or FedEx.
It’s a parody, inspired by the classic Ode to Billie Joe’s story-telling ways, and is performed by actor Paul Rudd (Ton) and Kristen Wiig (Tanya, or is it Tonya?) on Saturday Night Live (see there, kids, that show doesn’t totally suck all the time!):
Here it is at videogum (since I can’t embed video, it appears, from non-youtube sites….and hulu doesn’t have it)
July 2010 – just realized the video has been pulled, probably some time ago. Sorry. If you know where it’s at online, let me know.
AND HERE ARE THE LYRICS (transcribed by me, who has too much time on his hands today – I think I got it right but let me know if I missed a number or got the customer names wrong! I’m not sure why I put the quotes in.)
Ode to Tracking Number
It was morning just like any other morning in the Georgia hill (wiig)
She heard a knocking at her door and up her spine she felt a tingly chill (rudd)
And she stumbled to the door and said “hey who’s that on the other side?” (wiig)
“I gotta package here for Lester Carl and Eleanor Alisha Pride.” (rudd)
She said listen here those people that you’re talking about they live next door. (wiig)
And he said “Wait a second isn’t this 5407 Johnson Road?” (rudd)
She said “Yes it is but this here is a duplex and they live in back.” (wiig)
Then he said “Let me call my manager so I can get this package tracked.” (rudd)
Then he said “Lady can I use your phone my cell ain’t got no signal that’s clear.” (wiig)
And she said “Sure enough but careful there’s a lot of broken glass over here.” (rudd)
And he tip-toed to the kitchen and he called his manager Jerome. (wiig)
He started reading off the tracking number right into her M & M phone. (rudd)
He said “31256935673452” (wiig)
Then he continued “TKX45201267Q.” (rudd)
Then he looked at her real weird and said “the rest is covered by tape.” (wiig)
And then he lifted up the tape and read “J712438.” (rudd)
“57143577GLD5Q” (wiig)
Then it continues with “BR476913AP2” (rudd)
Which was followed by an “asterisk then PPDL dash Q dash.” (wiig)
and then “a lower case ‘u’ hyphen 55732….”. (rudd)
And, in enjoying this song, I revisited the inspiration for this song, Ode to Billie Joe, and the performances by the singer/songwriter Bobbie Gentry. Here are two videos that show how great she is:
Niki Hoeky:
Ode To Billie Joe:
Barack Obama is going to become president and his inauguration is THE most important thing ever to happen, if you watch/listen the cable news anchors. 50 million people are going to show up in DC on January 20th and watch the inauguration. Probably the planet will tilt off its axis because so many followers will converge onto that part of the globe for this occasion. But, guess what?
They’ll wish they stayed home.
Yes, it’s history. It’s a must see. But I went to an inauguration in 1996 for Clinton when I lived in Washington DC as a grad student, because how often does one get a chance to see an inauguration, right? Once was enough, I think. First, it was cold (I think mid-20s). Second, you had to arrive early if you wanted a good spot (that is, a ‘good spot’ in a bad location, a pre-assigned roped off section, indicated by your Inauguration card). So, there at 7:30 am in the morning, and you’re on your feet for the next 6 hours. Nearly everyone is positioned about 10 miles from the stage. Unless you are Michelle Obama, Rahm Emanuel, or Rick Warren, that is, and have a ticket to row 1. Seriously, there’s a few ‘up close with seats’ sections and I wasn’t offered one of those seats – you gotta be somebody to be in that section (the only consolation is that those special people are just as cold as you).
I compare it to going to a professional football game. You get the wrong seats, and you don’t know what is going on at the game and you end up watching the jumbotron for 3 hours instead. Football is great on television, but lousy, sometimes, in person. Same goes for the Inauguration. When I was at Bill Clinton’s inauguration, I could barely make out Hillary Clinton, so that’s saying something, cuz I think she was wearing some ugly dress. And I have no idea what Bill Clinton said at that inauguration. Or anybody else, for that matter. Maya Angelou was there. I Know I Why the Caged Bird Froze to Death, I think was the name of her poem. I don’t know if Monica was in town at that time, but I bet she watched it on television.
So, I’m just saying: If you can’t make the inauguration – don’t feel too bad. Sleep in, make some breakfast, and watch it on television. Just know that the people down there will be excited to be there. And they will have serious nose-drip and watery eyes from the cold weather, and their feet will be freezing, and all the Starbucks coffee the world won’t make it any more comfortable.
And I didn’t go into the traffic nightmare!
Gran Torino – saw it this evening. Theater was packed. A couple of thoughts:
Parts of the film were very good – some of the back and forth between the characters made the audience laugh (appropriately) but too often some of the acting and dialogue was stilted/awful. I understand some of the Asian actors were first-timers, and I thought they were relatively fine, but what about the actors portraying the Kowalski family, and the persistant Father Janovich? Several Clint Eastwood movies suffer from horrible, cringe-worthy supporting cast. Is it Eastwoods famously fast directing style – few takes, etc.?
The other movies that came to mind while watching this, and wondering what it is about some of these supporting characters:
-Bridges of Madison County (the kids of the Meryl Streep character – awful)
-True Crime (almost everyone)
-Million Dollar Baby (some of the boxers – including the hick character)
I don’t go to an Eastwood movie expecting everyone to be Laurence Olivier or Dakota Fanning (ha ha). Mystic River was just fine – over dramatic in some parts, but that fit the film, I suppose.
Gran Torino is stuffed with racial epithets – for dramatic and humorous effect because the main character is supposed to be a (likeable) racist. But in some cases, especially at the bbq Kowalski attends midway through the film, some of the dialogue and word choice came across as unnatural.
Several articles state that Eastwood insisted the script, by Nick Schenk, be left “as is’ except for a few minor tweaks to location. Too bad, because too many scenes suffered from poorly written dialogue, mostly involving the supporting characters telling the audience what the deal is with Kowalski.
Here are my predictions for 2009. For every one I get right, please pay me through paypal. thanks.
1. An underrated NFL team will win the Superbowl in February.
2. Some old actor or actress will pass away.
3. Really bad weather will hit a state and cause damage.
4. The stock market will go up or down.
5. Radios will continue to work.
6. Iphone will be upgraded.
7. Someone will sue Myspace and/or Facebook.
8. A bigtime news reporter or anchor will be fired or not show up to work for two days due to illness.
9. McDonalds will discontinue the Big Mac, but only for a second, and nobody will notice. This will happen sometime in May or November.
10. Everyone in the United States will catch ‘hockey fever’ and be captivated by the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
11. The NBC show E.R. will end it’s television run but will continue on the internet’s http://www.funnyordie.com, with new actors, and a different premise and title.
12. A United States Senator or Representative will be caught in a murder/love/shoplifting triangle.
13. Some households will continue to ban dogs because of allergies. At least that’s the excuse the parents will give their kids.
Sound/video quality isn’t the greatest (is it ever, on Youtube?) but this has Mitch Hedberg doing some of his classic jokes and also some stuff that is on the latest CD called Do You Believe in Gosh. (I am too lazy right now to do links to certain words in this post).
MARK WIBERG 