A post (finally) just to keep my account active. And I see WordPress has a new dashboard with this quickpress feature, so let’s try it!
Mark Wiberg (me) did several stand-up comedy shows in the past month or so.
1. early November, crowd about 70 at the Grange Hall in SLO, CA – did well – new jokes, etc.
2. early November, crowd about 80-100 at Level 4, in Paso Robles, CA – did alright – started off great, then proceeded to space out! felt bad about being paid.
3. early Dec – did well, not spectacular (weird crowd) – a couple of new jokes performed at the Grange Hall in SLO, CA.
I have a half dozen new jokes but having difficulty figuring out where to put them in the set. We’ll see.
Things that amuse me lately:
-Summer Heights High, on HBO – this show is hilarious. I would like to see Chris Lilley’s stand-up comedy act.
-Grand Theft Auto IV – what a fun time waster. I finally got my copy and PS3 and have been busy stealing from and/or killing Liberty City residents, and wrecking vehicles.
So today is the day to vote and in California that means you can vote on thousands of propositions that will improve the lives of every single person and animal. We have too much free time in California that everyone citizen is a legistlator. Fun!
No purple finger here! just a sticker….
I voted absentee last week, which sucked because I didn’t get a sticker that says “I Voted” and so I had to make a sticker that says “I Voted Last Week Suckers!”
Several thoughts: I find it amusing that the talking heads on cable tv (like the New Yorker’s Hendrik Hertzberg) says that never in his lifetime did he think an African-American would be elected for President. I believe this was on Nov 3rd, in the early morning hours on MSNBC. That comment isn’t racist? It tells me that he thinks little of his fellow Americans – both in the abilities of African-Americans, and others who would vote for someone who was African-American. It must be generational, because it never occured to me that an African-American wouldn’t be elected. Or maybe I just watch too much of Fox’s 24.
Just as there are plenty of stupid and egomaniacal white people who run for politicial office, there are plenty stupid and egomaniacal African-American, Hispanic-American, etc citizens willing to run for office. The bottom line is that the best and the brightest steer away from politics and so I’m not too impressed with those who run for local, state and federal positions. Will having Obama as the next president be wonderful? Maybe. Maybe not. Same as any other president. And certainly it is a big deal for older Americans of all types who grew up in a time where African-Americans were treated so horribly – it must seem like a dream made real, and you can’t help but appreciate that fact. I would have preferred a different person fill that dream, but oh well.
Whoever wins, I wish them good luck. But not too much luck, because they want too much of my money, and Obama and McCain, along with the Senate and House, are not creative enough to really solve anything.
Oh – and if McCain happens to win, don’t freak out. Don’t start a blog. Take it a like an adult. Read a history book. The world will not end if your guy (either party) doesn’t win. I know this because I had a dream five years ago that informed the world will end in 2022 when the Dinosaurs return.
And, if anyone reads this, remember to vote, especially on the local and state stuff – sometimes this affects you more than the federal stuff, at least on a day-to-day basis (trans-fats, cell phones, gas taxes, bonds, etc…)
I saw this on RFK For President, about Matt Lauer, who asked the DUMBEST question to RFK Jr., and I had to post it. It is Matt Lauer of the NBC’s Today Show starting his interview with RFK Jr.
Obviously Matt Lauer was momentarily confused, but remember this next time one of these idiot talkshow hosts climb onto their soapbox about other people’s intelligence.
The two brightest people in America will go at it on Thursday, October 2, 2008 – they will match wits, trade barbs, be wily. But enough about Andy vs Dwight from “The Office!” (NBC is so in the tank for Andy Bernard, it makes me sick. They should just let Dwight win Angela!).
The other event – Joe Versus the Barracuda. Spoiler alert: America wins! Because I have been following for, oh, about twenty days, I think I can provide expert analysis on this whole debate thing between the Veeps (veeps is insider talk for VP which stands for Vice Prez, which stands for Vice President).
Biden plans to leave half his IQ back in Delaware, "because," he says "he want's the debate to be close."
Sarah Palin will be wearing – just joking!!!! I’m not going to describe what a female politician is wearing because that would be sexist. As long as she looks hot, then I’m all good with whatever she says. Joe Biden will be wearing the same suit he wore in 1972 when he left his lucrative one-year career as a lawyer and traded down to be a politician.
The debate will start with lame thank yous to the host, the audience and the building hosting the debate. Except Sarah Palin will say “thanks, but no thanks” to an offer of a glass of water.
The “moderator,” Gwen Ifill, will ask a series of incredibly stupid questions. Both candidates will answer them with their standard campaign-rally answers. But HERE, on this site, is a preview to some of their answers. I won’t give away the questions. I’ll let you hear those on Thursday night.
EXCERPTS OF ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS YOU’LL HEAR ON THURSDAY NIGHT:
Biden: “I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one of them.” (the crowd will oooh and aaah – the next morning Jay-Z’s record label will file a suit against Obama-Biden).
Palin: Biden, Hemingway called, he wants you back in that boat and on the sea pronto!”
Biden: I know foreign policy. I’ve been everywhere. When you’re from Delaware, you want to travel! (the next day, Delaware Chamber of Commerce files a lawsuit against Biden).
Palin: I read newspapers. Both sides. And I have seen all three Bourne movies, so, please, I know foreign policy.
Biden: I didn’t hear the question, Gwen. I was busy admiring my last answer.
Palin: My favorite SNL skit this season? Oh, I’d say the one with the Joe Biden parody. Oh, you say that hasn’t happened yet. Interesting…
Palin: Hillary Clinton is a woman with 18 million cracks.
Biden: My wife is one of those cracks. One of the good ones. (the next day, his wife files for divorce)
The debate will end with a handshake – between “moderator” Gwen Ifill and Joe Biden. She will nod to him like “see, I told you and O that I was gonna do you a solid.” Biden will act like he knows what she meant but later will ask Obama – “what’s a solid?” He will say “it’s like a favor,” but Biden will still feel like it means something else and remain suspicious of his exotic partner and politician.
As everyone knows, Henry Paulson is the Secretary of Treasury, and a banned candidate from the MacArthur Fellows Program (aka ‘ “Genius Grant”). And he’s been busy this week convincing everyone that saving these big loser banks is vital. Apparently he doesn’t think the Economy should be in one of those FAIL photo threads that are shared in emails around the world and if I had more time or interest, I would make one up.
Hey, guess who is not getting a "Genius Grant?"
Instead, I got Mr. Paulson on the phone, because I owe some money and I wanted to see if I could get it included in the bailout.
Mark Wiberg: Hi, Secretary of Treasury Paulson?
Henry Paulson: Call me HP.
Mark: Are you sure? Like the computer?
HP: Yes. Please. HP.
MW: Okay, HP. Hey, before I begin – you are the top dog at the Treasury Department, right?
HP: Yes I am.
MW: Did you see that movie National Treasure?
HP: I did, on an airplane some time ago.
MW: Is any of that true? Maybe we could use that treasure to help with the bailout? That stuff looked pretty real. It’s up in New York, I think, under Wall Street.
HP: (laughs) Yeah, sure it is.I don’t think that’s going to happen.
MW: What about National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets’ treasure?
HP: Again, I don’t think that the movies were entirely accurate in regards to the vasts amounts of treasure found.
MW: I dunno. I would maybe take a look at those movies again. It seems pretty accurate to me. Where did you go to film school?
HP: I didn’t go to film school.
MW: I see.Bad reel?
HP: What?
MW:Nothing. Listen, HP, I owe several thousand dollars to some very important people because I just had to have every DVD ever made and a kick-ass television that is so friggin’ flat and hi-def that’s it’s just sick. I thought they were all going to increase in value because sometimes DVDs go out of print and you can make like an extra $70 sometimes on a disc. It’s all pretty complicated business investment stuff tied in with major companies like Ebay and Burger King – I don’t have time to explain it – I just need action now. Can I lump my debt in with the big boys. Out of $700 billion, my money is like a drop in the ocean.
HP: I think we can help you out. And by “we” I mean everyone.
MW: Cool. Hey, can I ask you another question?
HP: Sure.
MW: Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Any chance that could help us?
HP: I don’t think so.
MW: Whatevers. I’m just saying “think outside the box” – if you’re going to pay off my debts, I want to make sure you do it in a responsible way, that you think of everything. But just make it quick!
Secretary Henry Paulson denies that the treasure from the film National Treasure could be of any use. I think he is a liar.
MARK WIBERG 