Hey America, act now and purchase the Official Whitney Houston Funeral DVD, which was aired on every “news” channel the morning of February 18, 2012. Running time: 4 hours/ Bonus features include:
Audio Commentary by party friends (aka Enablers). Listen as they explain how they let their golden goose party all week long before her death! Trivia! Can you name Whitney Houston’s last recorded song? That’s okay, nobody can! But we’re all such BIG fans.Music videos! These antiquated art pieces showcased popular songs of their day.Crack is Whack – a documentary about celebrities and their super awesome health care provider network. Never before scene footage of below-average physicians working with the world’s most famous (and important) people.An essay by the Reverend Jesse Jackson “Yes, I Will Be At Every Televised Funeral”
Joe Kennedy III announced today that he is running for Congress. While his family name is a help, he says being a ginger is going to cost him a few votes.
JK (left) says in his youtube announcement that BF (right) has "very large shoes" to be filled by the next representative elected. And pants, and shirt, and hat.
The cool thing about Joe Kennedy is that I can write j/k and it doesn’t mean Joe Kennedy, but it kinda does. “Just Kidding” should be the Kennedy Family’s slogan. Besides two awful deaths (JFK and RFK) the only Kennedy Curse that I can see seems to be an idiot gene that runs dominant in the family. Remember Caroline’s 2 hour candidacy? Um, of course you do.
Here’s the (unofficial) lyrics of the song performed by Zoeey Deschanel, You Forgot About Valentine’s Day, on Saturday Night Live (February 11, 2012)
Zooey:
This song’s for all the ladies out there. It’s about the moment where your fella comes throught he door on Valentine’s and you see that look in his eye…you know the one I mean…
It’s February
The day’s 14th
But from the look on your face
You don’t know what that means
Don’t even try it, don’t try to deny it
You forgot it was Valentines’ day
You tried to scramble and whip something up
But your balloons say Happy Birthday your card says Mazel tov
There’s no mistaking
Don’t bother faking
You forgot it was Valentine’s Day
I bought you a sweater and baked you some cupcakes
And put on some nice lingerie
You gave me your iPod and the cash in your pockets
And a USA Today
(and it wasn’t even from today it was from an old hotel)
You said you made plans
But it didn’t seem right
When we went to Olive Garden at 11:15 at night
Your reserveration should be in quotations
You forgot about Valentines day
I know I’m angry
But later I’ll be fine
You’re just a moron
But at least your mine
And you can bet I’ll never let you forget
When you forgot about Valentine’s Day.
A few years ago I transcribed another SNL song and that is regularly visited, so we’ll see how many visit this one!
Quick – can you name one celebrity that died during the G.W. Bush Administration? I didn’t think so. Neither can I. Yet, under the current administration, we have seen the following talent pass away:
Whitney Houston, Etta James, Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Teddy Pendergrass, Brittany Murphy, Ron Silver, Natasha Richardson, Bea Arthur, Dom Deluise, David Carradine, Clarence Clemmons, Jackie Cooper, John Hughes, Leslie Nielsen, Gary Coleman, Patrick Swazye, Farrah Fawcett, Richard Harris, Amy Winehouse, Peter Falk, Jeff Conaway, Harry Morgan, Patrice O’Neal, and Corey Haim, just to name a few. There’s probably hundreds more that we don’t know about. But I think we’re averaging 1.2 celebrity deaths a day. We are hemorrhaging talent, America. Strangely, the Baldwin brothers are immune to this phenomenon.
Obviously, the Obama policies are stressing out the celebrity population. At this rate, the Academy Awards will be a half-attended affair in 2014 because everyone who acts or sings will be DEAD! So keep that in mind when voting. Vote for Obama and watch, helplessly, as more celebrities die, or vote for someone else and know that a new album or movie by your favorite star will soon be released.
This message has been approved by the Vote to Elect Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, Barr, Nader campaign organizations. 2012.
Hi readers. The other day I saw a commercial for this new film called Big Miracle, where some people saved some whales. Not to be confused with the film where some people help a dolphin. Not too be confused with the film where some girl helps some birds. Not to be confused with the film where some people buy a zoo. Not to be confused where a guy loves his pain-in-the-ass dog so much. Not to be confused with a kid who saves another whale. Twice. Not to be confused with some dude braving battle to get his horse. Not to be confused with this kid and her friend, the seal. Or this kid and his dolphin. And so on.
WE GET IT! Humans helping Animals! Each film makes about $12 million dollars opening weekend but goes on to make billions on home video sales only because they aren’t cartoons. Parents are sick of cartoons so to have a dvd with a real live human is a monumental feat. There are enough films out there now. So, if you have saved a bird, or a monkey, or a turtle, or have a grumpy cat that you save from the electric chair, keep that story to yourself! Don’t get an agent and sell your story. Just scrapbook it and share with your friends and family.
This is the only animal/human story that interest me:
Politics, anyone? Serious, hardcore politics mean to boil your blood, confirm your suspicions? You’ve come to the wrong place, my friend. But I offer this list of things President Obama flip-flopped on this week:
1. Super PACS – as we all know, Super PACs are large money grubbing organizations hell-bent on making life miserable for political candidates’ opponents by funding and purchasing air time for approximately 1.2 billion 30 second spots. Recently, The Supreme Court was, like, “hey money is free speech so have fun!” Whatever. But, while once opposed to Super PACs, President Obama changed his mind this week, greatly helping his chances at reelection in that his supporters can better match, dollar for dollar, the opposing side: Dog the Bounty Hunter. This registers as a MAJOR FAIL. Not because he did this, but because he should have realized early on this would happen and never been so publicly opposed.
just chillin...
Please note that often times, I link to articles that I read only the first few sentences. I Google a topic and link to one that looks like won’t break. In another words, I search for knowledge, but dodge it at the last moment.
2. President Obama’s adminstration recently came out and demanded that everyone who is religious practice safe sex all at once, all together, in the same sleazy motel. I think his specific words were: “Anyone ‘DTF ‘will be covered when it comes to birth control…so get busy, my fellow Americans. Get busy safely!”
Quickly, Obama’s administration was going to ask that all businesses, including religious organizations, include birth control coverage in their health plans. Then everybody freaked out and so Friday Obama hinted he would ease off some of the requirements.
I guess you could call this a “Birther” Controller controversy (get it? ha ha). Anyway, who cares except for the pope, whose giant hat and funny costume is never gonna get him action. This flip-flop ranks as a SEMI-MAJOR FAIL.
Pope says yes to the dress, no to birth control. This guy looks likes Goldmember's cousin.
Other FAILs this week by Obama (and some time later I may do one on President Romney)
3. Obama allowed 3D technology to be shared with filmmaker George Lucas. Thus, The Phantom Menace 3D was released today. Meesa not so happy! I remember 3 years ago when Obama was elected, he said “On day 1, I will share with the world entertainment technology only those corporations willing and able to apply it to worthy projects. No longer, will the world suffer…” something like that. FAIL.
4. Unknown to many, but Obama’s flip-flop on Closing Gitmo ™ is more than just a regular FAIL. Unreported, Obama has opened 47 other GITMOs around the world, including EuroGitmo, which you can visit and get a one day pass to EuroCalifornia Adventures (which sucks, but everyone still goes).
And that’s it. Not as funny as I had planned for it to be…..the point is, if I read one more thing about a politician flip-flopping, I will totally start another blog about it. Every politician (at least the successful ones) wants to be liked, wants votes, and will do whatever they can – and that includes FlipFlopping.
MARK WIBERG 