Comedy

Barack Obama: John McCain Can’t Send Email…McCain: I can IM like a mutha

~ Wiberg ~ 5 Comments

Today, Barack Obama’s campaign unveiled an ad pointing out the fact that John McCain does not use email. OMG!

(Nevermind that John McCain cannot use a keyboard due to the injuries suffered as POW. Oops! I’ll leave that to the other sites to dissect)

Anyway, later the John McCain campaign, in response to the ad, released transcripts demonstrating that John McCain wasn’t big on email, but loved to IM.

Here, for example, was Senator McCain’s IM log from late 1999, to wife Cindy McCain:

McCain2000Prez4sure: yo, C, what’s up?

AZGirl54: not much. just chillin’. getting my eBay fix.

McCain200Prez4sure: Sweet. Hey, have U talked 2 the kidz?

AZGirl54: oh, wait. BRB.

McCain200Prez4sure: OK.

AZGirl54: I’m back. I talked 2 kids y-day.

McCain200Prez4sure: R they coming 2 the rally next week?

AZGirl54: Just 1/2 of them.

McCain200Prez4sure: Which 1s?

AZGirl54: Does it matter?

McCain200Prez4sure: No. LOL.

AZGirl54: LOL. Ooh. I just won some dishes. Do we have a PayPal account, yet?

McCain200Prez4sure: We do 🙂

AZGirl54: Gr8.

McCain200Prez4sure: R U going 2 join the St8t Talk Xpress 2moro?

AZGirl54: IDK. I’ll get back 2 U.

McCain200Prez4sure: GGN

AZGirl54: Bye.

John McCain can IM.
John McCain can IM.

Humans to restart the “Matrix” with Large Hadron Collider – 9/10/08

~ Wiberg

In Switzerland, underground scientists will hit the switch on their new-fangled machine that will accelerate particles around a 17 mile tunnel. This thing probably has one big-ass carbon footprint! Oh, and the purpose? To unlock some mysteries that have yet to be figured out, such as: whatever happened to Domino Pizza’s loveable character the Noid? And the how and why of Dane Cook. Also promised with this machine is the resetting of the Matrix, the place where we live in what seems to be a “real” environment. It was all documented in a three part documentary called The Matrix, Matrix Reloaded, and Matrix Revolutions. I recommend you go to your local library and check it out before the Architect gets his act together.

One of the universes biggest mysteries, to be solved by the Large Hadron Collider (in 30 minutes or less, of course)
One of the universe's biggest mysteries, to be solved by the Large Hadron Collider (in 30 minutes or less, of course)

Some people warn that the Large Hadron Collider could cause irreversible damage, like forming a little tiny, Chihuahua-size black hole that could possibly grow and grow and suck up the whole big planet Earth. I call these alarmists “optimists.” How friggin’ cool would that be? To be part of Generation Black Hole – the Last Thrill Ride! It’s something you can tell your grandkids about, if you weren’t all squishy and plasmatic nothingness floating through space.

Review: Do You Believe in Gosh – Mitch Hedberg’s new CD

~ Wiberg

The new CD of Mitch Hedberg material, Do You Believe in Gosh? was released on September 9, 2008. Mitch Hedberg and the new CD are discussed about in this New York Times piece which came out last week. No, as one friend asked, Mitch is not the stand-up comic version of rapper Tupac, releasing material from the Great Beyond. Instead, this material was compiled from a few performances at the Ontario Improv, not intended for release. Who knows if anything like this by Hedberg will be released in the future, but hopefully so.

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef!
Mitch Hedberg: "A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef!"

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Listening to the material this evening, there is a lot of great jokes, of course. Some material is obviously stuff he’s trying out, but there’s plenty of clever one-liners to satisfy Mitch Hedberg fans. The first track or two is slow-going and I was a little worried that it would ramble all the way through (like, be really unpolished), but once the one-liners get going, you forget that this was not intended for commercial release because some of it is gold. The material was still being worked on, still finding its way into the world of Mitch, but a lot it easily matches up against his previous albums’ polished set of material. And even when joke doesn’t work, Mitch sometimes admits or just lets it fade out. It’s a good example of how seemingly successful (I’d call him successful) comics still have to get on stage, try new material, and see how it works.

My favorite so far is the set-up/punch-line for the inspirational physically challenged Lola, the typical, physically challenged person who is supposed to inspire the world by not knowing the word “can’t.” I won’t spoil it, but Mitch Hedberg has a bigger concern about Lola.

There are 13 title tracks but Mitch Hedberg fans know that this means there’s probably 15 other topics discussed in rapid-fire, curious one-liners and thoughts about nearly everything, from burritos to ESPN Classic to heavy belts.

Yes, I recommend it, of course. Hopefully, this isn’t the last album of Mitch stuff that will be released. If there is a Gosh, of course, then more will be released.

As with the other albums, there’s occasional harsh language, but the subject matter is everyday stuff.

Joe Biden: I love Me Some Pig – don’t listen to the other guy

~ Wiberg

Today Joe Biden condemned his fellow Senator’s remarks, referring to Sarah Palin as a pig with lipstick.

“Let’s just get one thing clear. I love pigs. With or without lipstick. Barack doesn’t and I don’t know why. He’s weird, okay.”

I cant believe Im on this ticket
Joe hearts Pigs

BONUS MATERIAL: Predictable, extremist commentary: You know who else doesn’t like pigs? Muslims! Oh MY GOD! That’s proof that Barack is a muslim!!!!!! He doesn’t like pigs, aka Pork!!!!! I am totally forwarding this to my friends.

NBC’s David Gregory says “you’re in my seat, losers!” to Olbermann and Matthews

~ Wiberg
Stretch to the rescue!
Stretch to the rescue!

Today, dork reporter David Gregory came in to his house after a few games of hoops, a game tall people play, and he gets a phone call:

NBC/MSNBC: Hey, David, this is your boss.

David Gregory: What’s up? And call me ‘Stretch,’ like the Prez, please.

NBC/MSNBC: We’re moving the idiots.

David Gregory: You’re getting rid of Matt and Meredith?

NBC/MSNBC: No. The other ones.

(brief silence)

David Gregory: I’m at a loss. Which ones?

NBC/MSNBC: Olbermann and Matthews – but just from prime time news coverage on this election stuff. They still have their shows.

David Gregory: That’s cool. Whatever. I get to sit in the big chair, right? Next to Brokaw and Williams?

NBC/MSNBC: Yes. But there’s one thing.

David Gregory: What is it?

NBC/MSNBC: You have to call David Shuster every morning to wake him up. Scarborough says the dude is lazy.

END TRANSCRIPT.

Hardballer
Hardballer Chris Matthews just got pwned by Stretch
Keith Olbermann just cares too much. Sigh.
Keith Olbermann's biggest fault? He just cares too much.

Obama Collects $20 bet from Michelle, uses the phrase “my muslim faith” in interview, “lipstick on a pig” at rally gets him $200

~ Wiberg ~ 4 Comments

UPDATE:

Michelle has offered to pay Obama $200 for the “lipstick on a pig” comment – see below for details of the couple’s ‘word game’ this campaign season! This most recent dare had Michelle Obama betting her husband, Barack, that he wouldn’t dare refer to Sarah Palin using “you can put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig”

Are you serious? He really said that?
Are you serious? He really said that?

On Sunday, Barack Obama won a bet from his wife Michelle Obama over whether he would use the phrase “my muslim faith” before the month of September ended.

The Obamas love a good laugh
The Obamas love a good laugh

“It was a challenge she presented to me, and I was up to it. Listen, I knew it would freak everyone out, but that’s just something we like to do!”

The presidential candidate pointed out that the couple has an ongoing game, daring each other to say outlandish things in the press during the campaign. The biggest prize was a $100 bet that Senator Obama lost when he challenged his wife to say “for the first time in my adult life, I’m proud of my country” earlier this year.

“She did it and I was all ‘I can’t believe you said that’ and she was all ‘believe it, brother.’ We love these games.

Other phrases that the couple dared each other to use include:

August 2008: “Who gives a shit about Canada?” (Michelle dared Barack to say this, which he didn’t, losing $15)

May 2008: “I drink too much” (Barack challenged his wife to use this at rally and she did. The media failed to report it and Barack had to shell out $50).

January 2008: “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” (again, Michelle challenged Barack to say this during the primary debates. Barack chickened out, and paid her $25).

All told, Michelle is up several hundred dollars in their little parlor game. The couple confesses they will continue the game through his presidential term, should he win.

“I’m going to win – it says so in the Koran.” Obama said, and laughed, acknowledging that last line will earn him $75 from Michelle.