All My Mad Max Fury Road jokes

Hi nerds,

I was posting some funny (maybe) jokes on FB the past week because my life is so damn awesome. I am posting them here so as to reach that one person in Brazil or France who finds my site.

JOKES:

1. Mad Max Fury Road was written/directed by a 70 year old. Last time I saw a 70 year-old involved with so many crazy car crashes I was at the Rite Aid parking lot. ‪#‎madmaxpharmacyroad‬

2. in the film Mad Max: Fury Road, Max has to drive across a desert wasteland with 5 women. Do you know how many bathroom stops that is?

3. in the film Mad Max: Fury Road, Max has to drive across a desert wasteland with 5 women. that’s 5 women yelling at him “Do you even KNOW where you are going? did you even read the map!?” ‪#‎1001madmaxjokesrighthere‬

4. thanks to Mad Max: Fury Road, when I see a truck hauling gasoline now I undo my seatbelt and begin crawling out of my car so that I can leap and take possession of all that fuel. ‪#‎madmark‬

5. In the movie Mad Max Fury Road, an old crazy white guy controls the water supply for his people….Gov Jerry Brown says that’s his favorite character. ‪#‎moonbeamwetdream‬ ‪#‎madmaxedoutjokes‬

6 (final). in the movie Mad Max: Fury Road, the main character….the main character is all….wait!…shit I can’t think of another mad max joke. I had a good run with those. According to FB, my Mad Max jokes reached over 9 people, which is, I think, the definition of ‘going viral’, so thank you. With the ad revenue generated from those joke posts, I’ve earned enough to visit Gas Town. And I don’t mean Taco Bell! (ha ha, suckas – you didn’t think I had another Mad Max joke – get outta here – never stop, never surrender)

That’s it – some clever, probably obvious jokes about THE best movie of the year so far – Mad Max: Fury Road.

Here’s a photo related to Mad Max: Fury Road (because I know people like photos)

this is what it sometimes feels like doing stand-up comedy

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Jokes about the guy who jumped the white house fence

Hi,

did you hear about the guy who jumped over the White House fence and made it through the front door?

1. I haven’t seen that much activity at the White House since Clinton left office.

2. He qualified for the hit new show White House Ninja Warriors, moving on to Las Vegas semi finals.

3. those Jehovah Witness dudes are getting more aggressive!

4. Really? Breaking into a black guy’s house? What is this? New York?

5. I heard he ran through Michelle Obama’s garden and destroyed it so it wasn’t a total disaster.

6. hey everybody, Joe Biden’s house doesn’t have a fence….just saying…..

7. The Secret Service has promised to keep the front door locked. But the back sliding glass door will remain opened so Joe Biden doesn’t run into it.

8. Officials say the trespasser is not a Democrat because, as everyone knows, they are all running away from Obama.

9. The Secret Service decided not to shoot the guy because he appeared unarmed. And because they thought he might have a hot sister.

10. The trespasser was armed with a knife. Or as Nancy Pelosi called it – an AR-15.

—thanks! here all night (I thought of these, not to say others haven’t….jokes like these are as easy as climbing the White House fence).

Yet another Joke by me, analyzed by me!

Hello,

Let’s try to take the fun of out comedy by analyzing jokes. Ha! Actually, this is more of an exercise for my benefit. I did this earlier and plan on a few more post going over my jokes (but not all will be about dead pets/people – I promise). Anyway, part of the purpose is I write down a joke, have it saved on my blog but in writing about it, I may learn something.

As I mentioned before, any jokes I discuss are by me and are funny(funnier?) when heard in person due to my awesome presentation skills (or they are not funny at all).

The last joke I analyzed was about a dead dog and bereavement time. The joke below is about potentially dead cats but I write it here because it’s also very timely! Topical humor, people!

JOKE:

I pulled into my driveway the other day. I looked over and saw a neighbor of mine with a bucket of water and a box with some feral kittens. He was getting ready to drown these poor kittens! I immediately got out of my car, grabbed a stick, and walked over there and said “hey, asshole, I see what you’re about to do. I can’t let you do it. We are in a water shortage – a drought! Use this” and I throw him the stick. (to audience I say something about even animal abusers being more socially responsible, etc…

(this joke does not translate too well to the page  and the wording in the joke I’ve written may not have the impact. It also makes me sound like a monster. But in drought-ridden California, it’s funny).

I think this jokes works for several reasons:

1. My presentation is always of a pretty calm guy, a short nerd, so the idea of me grabbing a stick and confronting anyone is, hopefully, funny (when I first told this joke, I said “baseball bat” and when the crowd laughed, I was surprised – didn’t even occur to me that it was a funny image. But it was so I kept it. Another version has me telling the guy that the water he’s using better be ‘gray water’ (dirty) or to do this awful extermination while taking a shower.

2. Topical – here in California, it’s drought drought drought, and this is a darkly humorous take on the impacts of the water shortage – so bad that a (bad) guy can’t even some feral kittens.

3. The word “feral”. Drowning cats or kittens is awful. I use the word ‘feral’ to at least soften the blow a little because we associate feral kittens as a nuisance, like cute squirrels that could be dangerous.  Maybe it doesn’t matter but I think it’s interesting to note it, that it is something I include in this joke as a possible buffer.

In one of the variations, I had a tag line “swing away, Merril. Merrill, swing away” a quote from the film Signs, about an alien invasion that is, in part, thwarted by their aversion to water (the character Merrill is a baseball athlete who swings his bat at some glasses filled with water to fight back against an home-invanding alien).

That I got to add that tag line was fun for me. A small inside joke for those who had seen this movie and got the connection between the water and baseball bat. I may still include it when I tell this joke.

A comedian may get bored with some of their jokes and I think adding little bits like this to the main bit can keep it fresh (you can remove/add different ‘insider’ jokes if it helps.). The main premise stands – some jerk stopped from drowning cats NOT because it’s  wrong but because of the drought and the waste of water it represents.

Like the joke about the dead dog, this joke also catches the crowd’s attention because immediately they are presented with an image of my neighbor preparing to drown a box of cats – holy shit, right!?  So, they snap to attention, see where I’m leading to and so forth. Not the smartest joke, but it engages their mind to think about a) the crime/morality of drowning cats and b) the drought and nanny-state rules/fines over wasting water.

That is all.  Again, I’m writing this more for me, but also so that potential comedians see how one might view a joke after it’s been created and why it has the impact/effectiveness that I think it has. If you are thinking of performing stand-up comedy or writing jokes, you better understand a little why something is funny because you’ll save a lot of time but then you will also find those jokes that are funny for NO APPARENT REASON – it will happen and in those cases, that is just plain magic (I will discuss one of these moments some time later).

I could be totally wrong – this may not be funny at all to you, in which case you are invited to click away, Merrill. Merrill, click away.

PREVIOUS Joke Analysis.

 

Royal Baby Name Revealed!

From babynamesforkings.com it has been revealed the new future King’s name is down to a list of 5:

5. Wi Tu Lo

4. Ralph

3. The Dude (or His Dudeness)

2. Dumbledore

1. Saul Goodman

Better than North!

Age progression image of future king at 8 months.

Excerpts from the Alec Baldwin English Language Dictionary

Noted linguist, actor, CapitalOne spokesman Alec Baldwin this week provided a preview of his self-titled English Language Dictionary, following confusion among Americans over the real meaning of the word “queen.” Mr. Baldwin promises to update all editions.

From the upcoming Alec Baldwin English Language Dictionary:

Queen: 1. (noun) somebody who’s just above, not having any necessarily sexual connotations.  2,(adj, queeny): aboveness. ex. “I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny”; not a definite sexual connotation, or a homophobic connotation. 3. (adj. queeny) A non-slur adjective if used by an open-minded registered Democrat. A slur if used by anybody else.
 
Twitter. 1. (noun) social medial platform popularized by its simple design and restricted word count per post. 2. (noun) Celebrity meltdown software, often used by well-known persons to reveal their true emotional intelligence quotient through verbal bullying and homophobic/racist rants.
 
CapitalOne customers can purchase Baldwin's reference book at a fair. 28.99% APR.
CapitalOne customers can purchase Baldwin’s reference book at a fair. 28.99% APR. In stores never.

In 2011, Mr. Baldwin’s passion for language and words was revealed after being booted off a plane over the matter of the challenging cell phone game  Words with Friends. Baldwin remains an avid player. From the ABELD:

Boot. 1. (noun) Footwear covering the ankle and sometimes lower leg.  2. (verb) to remove from an area a superior person or persons, often an actor or actress.
 
Cell-phone. 1 (noun) an electronic device used to communicate via voice, text, or electronic mail, generally used with no consideration for surroundings.  2. A gaming device for grown men and women in confined places, usually in first-class on airplanes.

When interviewed by the online blog Gothamist Apologist, Mr. Baldwin stated that since being misunderstood so frequently by the American public and some of the press, he believed a dictionary was needed. “Whether it’s ‘little pig’ when talking about my daughter, or ‘queeny’ about a sloppy reporter, what I say doesn’t mean what everyone thinks it means.”

The publisher of the Baldwin Dictionary stated in a press release they expect copies to be available this Fall, unless a small vocal minority protest, then they will pull the book.

 

Donation for heart patient needed! Jon Marsh graduated with the class of 1989 Atascadero High School

DONATIONS NEEDED FOR HEART PATIENT

Jon Marsh graduated with the class of 1989 at Atascadero High School.  He is now in need of some funds to help assist himself and family as they have to relocated to San Diego in preparation for one or more surgeries. Please see the GoFundMe link below to read more details.

http://www.gofundme.com/38lbsk

This need of Jon’s is especially close to me as I too had heart surgery as a young child (VSD – Ventricular septal defect – repaired in 1973/1974). Certainly my situation was different, but the heart is the heart – the motor of the human body. Technology is amazing, and tremendous strides have been made in repairing hearts and heart transplant surgeries. But, what doesn’t change is the day-to-day costs no matter the  medical emergency and care. Bills for the family don’t go away when one finds themselves with a serious medical condition. Nevermind the hospital bills/insurance maze a patient is required to manage, just think of small things. The things you and your family perhaps don’t have time to remember or deal with because there are bigger fish to fry. Who wants to think about a security deposit while you sit by the phone waiting to hear from the hospital or doctor or insurance agent about the fate of a loved one’s situation.

I don’t  know Jon – I recognize him from yearbook photos, recall that he was a friendly guy in high school, but we ran in different circles…no big deal. But he is a friend of a friend, and so his family’s Facebook post found its way to my FB Wall.  I chipped in a few dollars because this situation is critical and would benefit from a quick crowd-source/viral movement – mountains don’t need to be moved here, rivers don’t need to be parted. Just a few dollars now. Not tomorrow or next week. Now. The GoFundMe site was extremely easy to use- no username/password required. Three pages and done. Please donate.