NBC’s David Gregory says “you’re in my seat, losers!” to Olbermann and Matthews

Stretch to the rescue!
Stretch to the rescue!

Today, dork reporter David Gregory came in to his house after a few games of hoops, a game tall people play, and he gets a phone call:

NBC/MSNBC: Hey, David, this is your boss.

David Gregory: What’s up? And call me ‘Stretch,’ like the Prez, please.

NBC/MSNBC: We’re moving the idiots.

David Gregory: You’re getting rid of Matt and Meredith?

NBC/MSNBC: No. The other ones.

(brief silence)

David Gregory: I’m at a loss. Which ones?

NBC/MSNBC: Olbermann and Matthews – but just from prime time news coverage on this election stuff. They still have their shows.

David Gregory: That’s cool. Whatever. I get to sit in the big chair, right? Next to Brokaw and Williams?

NBC/MSNBC: Yes. But there’s one thing.

David Gregory: What is it?

NBC/MSNBC: You have to call David Shuster every morning to wake him up. Scarborough says the dude is lazy.

END TRANSCRIPT.

Hardballer
Hardballer Chris Matthews just got pwned by Stretch
Keith Olbermann just cares too much. Sigh.
Keith Olbermann's biggest fault? He just cares too much.

Obama Collects $20 bet from Michelle, uses the phrase “my muslim faith” in interview, “lipstick on a pig” at rally gets him $200

UPDATE:

Michelle has offered to pay Obama $200 for the “lipstick on a pig” comment – see below for details of the couple’s ‘word game’ this campaign season! This most recent dare had Michelle Obama betting her husband, Barack, that he wouldn’t dare refer to Sarah Palin using “you can put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig”

Are you serious? He really said that?
Are you serious? He really said that?

On Sunday, Barack Obama won a bet from his wife Michelle Obama over whether he would use the phrase “my muslim faith” before the month of September ended.

The Obamas love a good laugh
The Obamas love a good laugh

“It was a challenge she presented to me, and I was up to it. Listen, I knew it would freak everyone out, but that’s just something we like to do!”

The presidential candidate pointed out that the couple has an ongoing game, daring each other to say outlandish things in the press during the campaign. The biggest prize was a $100 bet that Senator Obama lost when he challenged his wife to say “for the first time in my adult life, I’m proud of my country” earlier this year.

“She did it and I was all ‘I can’t believe you said that’ and she was all ‘believe it, brother.’ We love these games.

Other phrases that the couple dared each other to use include:

August 2008: “Who gives a shit about Canada?” (Michelle dared Barack to say this, which he didn’t, losing $15)

May 2008: “I drink too much” (Barack challenged his wife to use this at rally and she did. The media failed to report it and Barack had to shell out $50).

January 2008: “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” (again, Michelle challenged Barack to say this during the primary debates. Barack chickened out, and paid her $25).

All told, Michelle is up several hundred dollars in their little parlor game. The couple confesses they will continue the game through his presidential term, should he win.

“I’m going to win – it says so in the Koran.” Obama said, and laughed, acknowledging that last line will earn him $75 from Michelle.

Joe Biden and Lobbyist Son Hunter at the Dinner Table

Last month, Joe Biden’s Senate office spokesperson said the following about his son, Hunter Biden, who is a lawyer/lobbyists for several companies.

“Hunter Biden does not lobby and has not lobbied Senator Biden’s office,” Alexander said in an e-mail. “Our rules are dictated by the Senate ethics bill, and we follow it by the letter.” Alexander said she knew of no favors done for the son’s clients.”

But doubts were raised when a transcript was released several days later, as Hunter Biden visited his father’s home for Sunday dinner.

TRANSCRIPT:

Joe Biden: How is your work going, son?

Hunter Biden: Please don’t ask that, dad. I don’t want to cause any conflicts of interest.

JB: I understand. Can you pass me the salt?

HB: I can pass that salt, if you can pass the mustard.

JB: But there isn’t any mustard on the table.

(brief silence)

JB: Oh, yes, of course. I’ll pass that soon. It will get passed.

HB: Thank you dad. I love mustard. My friends back at the firm love mustard.

JB: I’ll pass it, don’t worry. Man, this mooseburger is delicious.

HB: Why are we having moose burgers? They taste awful.

JB: It’s a long story, but apparently the other side is going to pick some hockey mom from Alaska and the One – excuse me, Senator Obama – thought I’d should do some research on the folks up there – y’know, see what the eat, what they drink, that sorta thing. Hey, what do you think of my new hair?

HB: Not bad, dad. You look like a million bucks. Or at least a quarter of a million dollars.

JB: Is that all?

HB: Well, you might look like a little more, but it depends. I’d have to ask my colleagues. I’m still new at judging hair.

JB: You ask them. I’ll bet they see that I look like at least half a million bucks. I mean, this is great hair!

HB: I agree, but it isn’t doing that much lately.

JB: It will soon. This hair will do things for you, believe me. Tell your friends that. Now, can you pour me some more of that arctic icewater?

END TRANSCRIPT

A 2004 photograph shows close ties between Joe Biden and lobbyist Hunter Biden (who is on one side or the other of Joe - does it matter?)
A 2004 photograph shows close ties between Joe Biden and lobbyist Hunter Biden (who is on one side or the other of Joe - does it matter?)

Obama, Father of Two, Insists On Continuing Campaign for Presidency

Dismissing criticisms and demands by liberal bloggers to drop out of the presidential race to focus on his children, Barack Obama said he would continue, despite the fact that his kids recently scored “average” on their academic tests and continually ignore directions to keep their rooms clean.

Father of two children, Barack Obama says hes running for office to get away from his kids.
Father of two children, Barack Obama says he's running for office to get away from his kids.

“I know there are a lot of critics out there who say I should stay home, raise my kids, and not run for office. But, the kids are young. The littlest one – I can’t recall her name – just learn to read and, quite frankly, she isn’t that good at it. And when she’s reading to me or telling me a story, I get a little bored – she’s not exactly Garrison Keillor, if you know what I mean. I love my kids, but I just need my space.”

What about vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, mother of five, including one with special needs?

“Listen,” he offered. “I have special needs – I especially need to get away from my own kids.”

Obama says “two” is the magic number. “I think if you have more than two kids, any decision to do anything other than raise their kids is entirely selfish. Look how the Kennedys turned out. Did you see that movie The Hills Have Eyes? That’s the Kennedys, unsupervised.”

The Kennedys - Not Stay At Home Parents
The Kennedys - Not Stay At Home Parents

make that 8 words you can’t say on tv – #8: nuts.

news junkies are all  over Rev. Jesse Jackson love song to Obama prior to a Fox News Sunday appearance. Apparently he wants Obama’s NUTS CUT OFF!!! NUTS. NUTS. NUTS. Wasn’t that a lame comedy from the 80s?

The video shows you just how little, if any, nuts the tv news cable shows have in covering this.  First, does it really warrant ‘BREAKING NEWS?’ Yes, but ONLY if Jackson actually managed to grab and cut off Obama’s nuts does it warrant breaking news, IMO. And don’t worry, Jackson would’ve still said it if Hillary was the nominee.

And, oh yeah,I totally can’t wait for the Law & Order version of this scandal.

Second point, and off topic: Jesse’s title: Reverend? Still goin’ with that title, J-man? You make Al Sharpton look like the pope, sometimes. Give the title a rest before your own rainbow coalition nuts get struck by lightning.

The only thing that explains this whole stupidness is that Jay Leno paid Jesse Jackson to say this incredibly idiotic thing. But then again, Jesse only does shakedowns, so maybe not.