Author: Wiberg

Ronan Farrow Is Sooooooooo Smart

~ Wiberg

You might have seen this story about Woody Allen/Mia Farrow bio-kid Ronan Farrow tweeting a severe diss to his Allen:

Oy vey!

Maybe well deserved. For many, Woody Allen is straight-up creepy and unfunny. For others, he is just straight up creepy and funny. And for some, he is not creepy, but still funny.

I’d say Ronan has every right to tweet, given the basics of his family history (ronans’ dad left his mom to begin a new relationship with ronan’s adopted sister – mom and and were never married but still, weird. throw in child abuse accusations for more drama).  Anyway, Twitter is where it’s at. That’s what smart people do – tweet (#getafuckinglife). Every mention of Ronan says how smart he is and he obviously is – he started college at age 11, and, later, was a Rhodes Scholar (#dork) and now does a bunch of important stuff with the government (speechifying and global community organizin’) – we all know when you want to make a difference, working through the State Department is the way to go (#circlejerk). Just ask Syria!  Although, if he was so smart, he would have invented Facebook.

Back to the tweet and what it reveals to anyone with a pulse:

1. He’s mad at Daddy. Not because he remembers being hurt by Daddy, but also because he has been raised by his Mommy/Mia Farrow (aka Mother Earth) to hate him.  Nothing new here. Eventually one might get tired of a parent telling you what to think (or you get upset realizing that you’ve been programmed – right or wrong, it’s still annoying). Plenty of people are raised by a single parent who hates their ex because they ran off when one of the kids. I read about it all the time on Slate’s Dear Prudence. Of course, most single parents don’talso adopt a kid every week, which goes to point 2.

2. He is probably increasingly more aware that his mom is a little crazy and so that just makes his situation more frustrating, raising the anger level.  The most likely reason he went to college early was to get away (#bitchbecrazy)!  Mia makes Brangelina look childless, she adopts so many kids.  Like Woody Allen, Mia Farrow is apparently a homewrecker, having started an affair with a married man, Andre Previn, a fancy-pants musician. Farrow got pregnant (#devilspawn), and Andre left his wife for her. Something the media doesn’t talk about.  So, if you’re Ronan, and you’ve read Wikipedia, you’re thinking, ‘shit, my dad’s a creep, and my mom is an angry little hypocrite. FML!”

3. Posting on Twitter means he KNOWS it will reach Woody Allen (#passiveaggressive).  In a weird way, he is communicating with his dad and nobody else. He has not heard of email, I guess. Not really knowing anything about their whole family drama, I wonder how much communication they have or had years ago after visitations ended (#miniseriesplease!).  Of course, the tweet is  a joke his own dad would have written years ago.

3. Ronan Farrow is about 25 years old. Why now with the Twitter?  Maybe he’s new to Twitter so he’s catching up on all his witty one-liners’ about his old man (#woodyismypops). If he was soooo smart, he would save all this shit for a tell-all book, called Dreams of My Father 2: Payback’s a Bitch Named Soon Yi!  (btw, does Ronan talk to Soon Yi? Uh, probably not). But alas, Ronan has been appointed by the Obama Administration to assist in issues related to the youth and so what does that leave any government official, but loads of time to tweet and work out their personal issues online, 140 characters at a time. When Government Officials tweeet, what could go wrong (#anthonyweinersweiner).

Who knows what Ronan was thinking. I think if my Mom changed my name to ‘Ronan’ I would be pissed about it forever. And if I was a boy genius who grew up to be a BORING fucking diplomat, I’d probably start spending time on Twitter, also. Exhibit A: Ronan firing up the U.N. about youth issues.


That’s right kids – this guy’s fighting for you! All Together Now: “Let’s Go – Children! Let’s Go -Children!”

Good luck, Ronan!  (#unfocusedblogpost)

We Need To Talk about Prometheus – spoilers

~ Wiberg

This video by Red Letter media asks a lot of questions I have about the film Prometheus, the sorta prequel to the Alien movies.

I enjoyed the movie  and the ‘big’ questions it poses near the end, but I am frustrated with the characters’ actions, which are, of course, necessary for a alien/horror/thriller (If everyone acted as they should, the film might be BORING!).

But in addition to some of the inconsistencies brought up in the video above,  there are:

1) With their security cameras, could they not see that the ‘geologist’/security guy was folded like a pretzel in front of the big door. Doesn’t anyone say “holy shit, Fred is back, he’s dead, and it looks like someone folded him up like a lawn chair!” No. Instead, they open the door, and hell breaks loose.  Again, a flame thrower? I’m not an expert but does a gas-propelled weapon run any risk of not operating correctly in an alien atmosphere?

2) The Girl With The Dragon Baby – I know there’s a reason for the ‘surgery box’ to be only for male patients (as it was funded/built for Mr. Weyland) but that was incredibly idiotic because what if at one point Mr. Weyland wanted to have a sex change?  Of course, Lisbet Salander Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) fixes her baby problem in the end and recovers faster than any patient, as moments later she’s outrunning a falling ship. No co-pay!

3) Is there ever an alien pregnancy that isn’t on hyperdrive?  One could argue that an advance/prehistoric alien race needs a quick turnaround on the babymaking venture, but one day? What books do they write for these Aliens?  What To Expect When You’re Expecting Oh Look It’s A Boy Who Is Now Bigger Than You and Wants To Rip Your Face Off?   A mother knows….

4) The video mentions it above but the two assholes who die first deserve it. They acted no better than the morons in Piranha.  These are scientists!? I guess anybody can get a college degree.  The ship lands on the planet and everyone is totally chill about landing next to an alien structure (what luck!). This is when you need the Spielberg ‘ooooohhh’ faces that he’s famous for.  Nobody was impressed and instead they hop on their ATV (electric vehicles? how does a gas engine operate in a different atmosphere? I don’t know. just asking) and motor out there without any security or plan.

5) Outrunning a storm. I liked that scene when I saw it in every. Mars. movie. ever. made.  Even in MI:4 (non-Mars movie) with Tom Cruise. I half-expected Ethan Hunt to come out of the storm on a camel and pass everyone up.  Alien Planet storms are overdone. Maybe next time they can bring a weatherman on board or next time the robot David can study up on their targeted planet’s 5 Day Forecast.

6) Charlize Theron – what was her purpose? She played no roll in the movie’s plots except to  walk up and down the halls of the ship Prometheus and stand around in a white-hot jumpsuit. The movie would have rolled out the same without her.  And is she a robot? I guess that was answered when she was too stupid to dodge the slowly falling ship. Aeon Flux, she ain’t.

7) Guy Pearce as the old man. What a waste. Why even credit the role? Somebody black goop his agent.

8) the Independence Day problem – Another alien movie, and another computer operating system that is wholly accessible to humans (this time, via David the robot – how convenient. In no time flat he’s shuffling through the alien database like he’s at dominos.com ordering a two topping pizza).  And holograms (!)  to tell us what happened in the past., but only show the last two minutes of activity, like some 7-11 store cam??

9) Super buff but modest aliens.  We get it. Advanced beings like to work out and eat low-fat, but still find the need to cover up. Why didn’t this dope just pour the stuff in the water instead of ingest it? What a show off all around.

Ripley? No. Ripped? Yes. Somebody send this guy an Insanity t-shirt!

10) Where was the cool soundtrack from the trailer (the sound from the last minute of this trailer – I don’t recall it being in the movie – maybe David took it?)


11) Did we get all the races represented in this movie? No, sorry!! Maybe next time! What did we have?

Black guy – check (and stereotypically lackadaisical and horny, redeeming himself at the end because how else is he’s going to return to Earth that he made it but that everyone else died, right?).

Asian pilot dude (Mr. NoName) who joins in the kamikaze ending- check.

White males – greedy know-it-alls.

White females – bitchy and cold.

Yes, I will see the sequel.

UPDATE: I’ve opened up Comments – feel free to leave your opinions on the movie!

Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Legislation Revealed!

~ Wiberg

Through some online digging, I found the following proposed legislation regarding New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s efforts to curb consumption of sugary drinks by limiting drink sizes to no more than 16 ounces.

Legislation Text

By Council Members Cabrera, Arroyo, Foster, Koppell, Palma, Rivera, Seabrook, Bert, Ernie, Vacca, Barron, Dilan, Eugene,  Brewer, Chin, Dickens, Simon, Simon, Pupkin, Quinn, Rodriguez, Etcetera

—————————————–

A Local Law to amend the administrative code of the city of New York, in relation to limit the portion size of sugary drinks within New York City limits.

Be it enacted by the Council as follows:

Section 1; Section 1, pages 52-53; New or amended ordinance regarding health of citizenry, especially fatties, to include limitations on sugary drinks (soda, sweetened tea, sugar drinks above 25 calories per 8 ounce serving) made available for sale at restaurants, delis, sporting arenas, movie theaters, gas stations, porn shops, churches, family barbecues, weddings, and dog funerals.

Sugary drinks as defined as non-diet sodas, and some sweetened teas and coffees favored by hipsters.  A panel will be commissioned to determine what Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper 10, and PepsiMax are supposed to be and whether they qualify under proposed size ban. A case of each male gender-targeted low calorie drinks will be ordered and distributed to council members for consumption during the Fourth of July 2012 weekend. Sodas clearly marked “diet” can continue to be purchased/sold in any cup size up to 64 ounce, so as to curtail any potential underground market by Prius-driving and/or vegan health-freaks.

Section 2; Section 2, pages 55-57; Portion sizes larger than 16 ounces will remain available at grocery stores and retail outlets such as Target. As noted previously by heard testimony, when you run into Target to get something, you always end up spending more, which often includes soda and it makes financial sense to purchase a liter of sugary drink rather than a single smaller bottle.

Section 3; Section 3, pages 60-62; Fines for violation of proposed soda size ban include written warning(s) and/or fines up to but not exceeding $100 per violation unless violation involves Shasta or RC Cola, in which case fine will be reduced fifty percent under the ‘pity rule.’

/Bloomberg/crazyideas/wtf/drafts/

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related: Sodacop, a play.

Richard Dawson – Family Feud Host, wasn’t already dead, but now is.

~ Wiberg

I am awful. I thought Richard Dawson had already passed on. But today, it was reported he died.  There are a bunch of old actors and actresses who will surprise me later when they die, because I already thought they had.

But here, for Dawson, I won’t do a Survey Says! joke.

A rundown of his life here at wikipedia.

Several things I didn’t realize about Richard Dawson – that he was born in England. That he insisted on kissing all the female contestants as a point to those conservative television stations that objected to kissing between different races (Petula Clark kissed Nat King Cole on tv and a bunch of people had a fit;  that apparently stuck with Dawson). That he later married a contestant from Family Feud.

I can’t think of a more entertaining game show host who was so quick-witted and cool. All the game show hosts from the 70s seemed to be about the most enjoyable group of guys ever on tv, like they just stepped over from a restaurant or bar to spend a few minutes playing a game. If it was work, they didn’t make it seem so. Richard Dawson was the boss.

However, here’s a little blooper clip from the Feud that’s pretty funny, showing how one answer can derail the man:

The best games shows have a great host and a great game that allow regular people who don’t win to still have fun.

More funny:

SODACOP – a few scenes from Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Fetish story

~ Wiberg

from an unpublished, unwritten play titled “SODACOP”

SCENE 1, Mayor Bloomberg‘s office; near future:

Mayor Bloomberg and staff sit around a table drinking water and eating carrots.

STAFF #1

Mayor, this ice cubes ban in soda is an excellent idea. How does someone so short and so quirky get such great ideas?

BLOOMBERG

I don’t know. But lose the Ranch dressing. We eat carrots in this office without Ranch.

STAFF #1

Of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.

BLOOMBERG

Who lowered my chair again? I can’t get my elbows on the table. (beat) So, the ice cube in soda ban has been in effect for five days. As I stated months ago, large soda is a problem. So is cold soda. It tastes too good. Remove ice from the equation and people will make healthier choices. Any news on how New Yorkers are coping? I know they’ll be upset but they’ll get over it. We’re doing them a favor!

STAFF (all)

Here here!

SCENE 2:  NY Movie Theater, snack bar.

MOVIEGOER
I’d like to get a large butter popcorn, a box of Whoppers and a large Coke.

WORKER:

Okay. Just so you know, the large size is now 16 oz. We’re not allowed to sell a 32 oz soda, unless it’s diet.

MOVIEGOER

I forgot where I was. I’m from Jersey.  (beat) Can I get extra butter on that popcorn?

WORKER

Sure. So, yeah,  the old large size was 32 oz. The new large size is 16 oz. But if you order 2 large sodas, we’ve priced it at the same price as the old large.

MOVIEGOER:

I’ll get two of the new large sodas.

WORKER
Also, they are ‘no ice.’  That’s also banned. No ice in sodas. Unless it’s diet. The Mayor knows soda tastes better cold. Only people who drink diet soda get ice.

MOVIEGOER

Did I mention I’m from Jersey so I’m about to lay down a bunch of curse words. But I won’t. Instead, I see the light – I’ll get a V8 drink, and cancel the popcorn and candy. In fact, I think I’m going to go jogging instead of watching this movie.

SCENE 4:  Landfill; daytime

GARBAGEMAN

What is the deal with all these 16 oz cups, now? They are everywhere!

SCENE 5: Mayor’s office, months later.

STAFF #1

Mayor Bloomberg, the results are in. Everyone in NYC is incredibly healthy. Soda consumption is down 73%.  You’ve battled salt, trans-fat, large and cold soda, and smoking. What’s next?

BLOOMBERG

Large televisions and long movies. It is not healthy to sit and watch a two and a half hour movie on a large screen. Also, morning talk shows – no need to be so long with all those teaser bits about what’s coming up – it encourages people to watch too much tv.  Same goes for mini-series and crime shows that don’t solve anything in the first hour – banned. Maybe we’ll put timers in televisions so they turn off after 3 hours…

END

same topic, related.

 

Ashley Judd Wins Another Indy 500!!

~ Wiberg

Today, actress Ashley Judd won the Indy 500. Or maybe her husband Dario Franchitti did. It was hard to tell by how much camera time she got. I don’t watch racing but does the racetrack announcer usually congratulate the wife  while she runs around the pit?

This photo taken in 2010 shows Indy 500 winner Ashley Judd taking a victory lap, thanking her fans. Her vow to win at least three Indy races before returning to her film career was fulfilled May 27, 2012 as her surrogate driver Dario Franchitti beat out all other drivers.