We Need To Talk about Prometheus – spoilers

This video by Red Letter media asks a lot of questions I have about the film Prometheus, the sorta prequel to the Alien movies.

I enjoyed the movie  and the ‘big’ questions it poses near the end, but I am frustrated with the characters’ actions, which are, of course, necessary for a alien/horror/thriller (If everyone acted as they should, the film might be BORING!).

But in addition to some of the inconsistencies brought up in the video above,  there are:

1) With their security cameras, could they not see that the ‘geologist’/security guy was folded like a pretzel in front of the big door. Doesn’t anyone say “holy shit, Fred is back, he’s dead, and it looks like someone folded him up like a lawn chair!” No. Instead, they open the door, and hell breaks loose.  Again, a flame thrower? I’m not an expert but does a gas-propelled weapon run any risk of not operating correctly in an alien atmosphere?

2) The Girl With The Dragon Baby – I know there’s a reason for the ‘surgery box’ to be only for male patients (as it was funded/built for Mr. Weyland) but that was incredibly idiotic because what if at one point Mr. Weyland wanted to have a sex change?  Of course, Lisbet Salander Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) fixes her baby problem in the end and recovers faster than any patient, as moments later she’s outrunning a falling ship. No co-pay!

3) Is there ever an alien pregnancy that isn’t on hyperdrive?  One could argue that an advance/prehistoric alien race needs a quick turnaround on the babymaking venture, but one day? What books do they write for these Aliens?  What To Expect When You’re Expecting Oh Look It’s A Boy Who Is Now Bigger Than You and Wants To Rip Your Face Off?   A mother knows….

4) The video mentions it above but the two assholes who die first deserve it. They acted no better than the morons in Piranha.  These are scientists!? I guess anybody can get a college degree.  The ship lands on the planet and everyone is totally chill about landing next to an alien structure (what luck!). This is when you need the Spielberg ‘ooooohhh’ faces that he’s famous for.  Nobody was impressed and instead they hop on their ATV (electric vehicles? how does a gas engine operate in a different atmosphere? I don’t know. just asking) and motor out there without any security or plan.

5) Outrunning a storm. I liked that scene when I saw it in every. Mars. movie. ever. made.  Even in MI:4 (non-Mars movie) with Tom Cruise. I half-expected Ethan Hunt to come out of the storm on a camel and pass everyone up.  Alien Planet storms are overdone. Maybe next time they can bring a weatherman on board or next time the robot David can study up on their targeted planet’s 5 Day Forecast.

6) Charlize Theron – what was her purpose? She played no roll in the movie’s plots except to  walk up and down the halls of the ship Prometheus and stand around in a white-hot jumpsuit. The movie would have rolled out the same without her.  And is she a robot? I guess that was answered when she was too stupid to dodge the slowly falling ship. Aeon Flux, she ain’t.

7) Guy Pearce as the old man. What a waste. Why even credit the role? Somebody black goop his agent.

8) the Independence Day problem – Another alien movie, and another computer operating system that is wholly accessible to humans (this time, via David the robot – how convenient. In no time flat he’s shuffling through the alien database like he’s at dominos.com ordering a two topping pizza).  And holograms (!)  to tell us what happened in the past., but only show the last two minutes of activity, like some 7-11 store cam??

9) Super buff but modest aliens.  We get it. Advanced beings like to work out and eat low-fat, but still find the need to cover up. Why didn’t this dope just pour the stuff in the water instead of ingest it? What a show off all around.

Ripley? No. Ripped? Yes. Somebody send this guy an Insanity t-shirt!

10) Where was the cool soundtrack from the trailer (the sound from the last minute of this trailer – I don’t recall it being in the movie – maybe David took it?)


11) Did we get all the races represented in this movie? No, sorry!! Maybe next time! What did we have?

Black guy – check (and stereotypically lackadaisical and horny, redeeming himself at the end because how else is he’s going to return to Earth that he made it but that everyone else died, right?).

Asian pilot dude (Mr. NoName) who joins in the kamikaze ending- check.

White males – greedy know-it-alls.

White females – bitchy and cold.

Yes, I will see the sequel.

UPDATE: I’ve opened up Comments – feel free to leave your opinions on the movie!

Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Legislation Revealed!

Through some online digging, I found the following proposed legislation regarding New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s efforts to curb consumption of sugary drinks by limiting drink sizes to no more than 16 ounces.

Legislation Text

By Council Members Cabrera, Arroyo, Foster, Koppell, Palma, Rivera, Seabrook, Bert, Ernie, Vacca, Barron, Dilan, Eugene,  Brewer, Chin, Dickens, Simon, Simon, Pupkin, Quinn, Rodriguez, Etcetera

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A Local Law to amend the administrative code of the city of New York, in relation to limit the portion size of sugary drinks within New York City limits.

Be it enacted by the Council as follows:

Section 1; Section 1, pages 52-53; New or amended ordinance regarding health of citizenry, especially fatties, to include limitations on sugary drinks (soda, sweetened tea, sugar drinks above 25 calories per 8 ounce serving) made available for sale at restaurants, delis, sporting arenas, movie theaters, gas stations, porn shops, churches, family barbecues, weddings, and dog funerals.

Sugary drinks as defined as non-diet sodas, and some sweetened teas and coffees favored by hipsters.  A panel will be commissioned to determine what Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper 10, and PepsiMax are supposed to be and whether they qualify under proposed size ban. A case of each male gender-targeted low calorie drinks will be ordered and distributed to council members for consumption during the Fourth of July 2012 weekend. Sodas clearly marked “diet” can continue to be purchased/sold in any cup size up to 64 ounce, so as to curtail any potential underground market by Prius-driving and/or vegan health-freaks.

Section 2; Section 2, pages 55-57; Portion sizes larger than 16 ounces will remain available at grocery stores and retail outlets such as Target. As noted previously by heard testimony, when you run into Target to get something, you always end up spending more, which often includes soda and it makes financial sense to purchase a liter of sugary drink rather than a single smaller bottle.

Section 3; Section 3, pages 60-62; Fines for violation of proposed soda size ban include written warning(s) and/or fines up to but not exceeding $100 per violation unless violation involves Shasta or RC Cola, in which case fine will be reduced fifty percent under the ‘pity rule.’

/Bloomberg/crazyideas/wtf/drafts/

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related: Sodacop, a play.

Richard Dawson – Family Feud Host, wasn’t already dead, but now is.

I am awful. I thought Richard Dawson had already passed on. But today, it was reported he died.  There are a bunch of old actors and actresses who will surprise me later when they die, because I already thought they had.

But here, for Dawson, I won’t do a Survey Says! joke.

A rundown of his life here at wikipedia.

Several things I didn’t realize about Richard Dawson – that he was born in England. That he insisted on kissing all the female contestants as a point to those conservative television stations that objected to kissing between different races (Petula Clark kissed Nat King Cole on tv and a bunch of people had a fit;  that apparently stuck with Dawson). That he later married a contestant from Family Feud.

I can’t think of a more entertaining game show host who was so quick-witted and cool. All the game show hosts from the 70s seemed to be about the most enjoyable group of guys ever on tv, like they just stepped over from a restaurant or bar to spend a few minutes playing a game. If it was work, they didn’t make it seem so. Richard Dawson was the boss.

However, here’s a little blooper clip from the Feud that’s pretty funny, showing how one answer can derail the man:

The best games shows have a great host and a great game that allow regular people who don’t win to still have fun.

More funny:

SODACOP – a few scenes from Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Fetish story

from an unpublished, unwritten play titled “SODACOP”

SCENE 1, Mayor Bloomberg‘s office; near future:

Mayor Bloomberg and staff sit around a table drinking water and eating carrots.

STAFF #1

Mayor, this ice cubes ban in soda is an excellent idea. How does someone so short and so quirky get such great ideas?

BLOOMBERG

I don’t know. But lose the Ranch dressing. We eat carrots in this office without Ranch.

STAFF #1

Of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.

BLOOMBERG

Who lowered my chair again? I can’t get my elbows on the table. (beat) So, the ice cube in soda ban has been in effect for five days. As I stated months ago, large soda is a problem. So is cold soda. It tastes too good. Remove ice from the equation and people will make healthier choices. Any news on how New Yorkers are coping? I know they’ll be upset but they’ll get over it. We’re doing them a favor!

STAFF (all)

Here here!

SCENE 2:  NY Movie Theater, snack bar.

MOVIEGOER
I’d like to get a large butter popcorn, a box of Whoppers and a large Coke.

WORKER:

Okay. Just so you know, the large size is now 16 oz. We’re not allowed to sell a 32 oz soda, unless it’s diet.

MOVIEGOER

I forgot where I was. I’m from Jersey.  (beat) Can I get extra butter on that popcorn?

WORKER

Sure. So, yeah,  the old large size was 32 oz. The new large size is 16 oz. But if you order 2 large sodas, we’ve priced it at the same price as the old large.

MOVIEGOER:

I’ll get two of the new large sodas.

WORKER
Also, they are ‘no ice.’  That’s also banned. No ice in sodas. Unless it’s diet. The Mayor knows soda tastes better cold. Only people who drink diet soda get ice.

MOVIEGOER

Did I mention I’m from Jersey so I’m about to lay down a bunch of curse words. But I won’t. Instead, I see the light – I’ll get a V8 drink, and cancel the popcorn and candy. In fact, I think I’m going to go jogging instead of watching this movie.

SCENE 4:  Landfill; daytime

GARBAGEMAN

What is the deal with all these 16 oz cups, now? They are everywhere!

SCENE 5: Mayor’s office, months later.

STAFF #1

Mayor Bloomberg, the results are in. Everyone in NYC is incredibly healthy. Soda consumption is down 73%.  You’ve battled salt, trans-fat, large and cold soda, and smoking. What’s next?

BLOOMBERG

Large televisions and long movies. It is not healthy to sit and watch a two and a half hour movie on a large screen. Also, morning talk shows – no need to be so long with all those teaser bits about what’s coming up – it encourages people to watch too much tv.  Same goes for mini-series and crime shows that don’t solve anything in the first hour – banned. Maybe we’ll put timers in televisions so they turn off after 3 hours…

END

same topic, related.

 

Ashley Judd Wins Another Indy 500!!

Today, actress Ashley Judd won the Indy 500. Or maybe her husband Dario Franchitti did. It was hard to tell by how much camera time she got. I don’t watch racing but does the racetrack announcer usually congratulate the wife  while she runs around the pit?

This photo taken in 2010 shows Indy 500 winner Ashley Judd taking a victory lap, thanking her fans. Her vow to win at least three Indy races before returning to her film career was fulfilled May 27, 2012 as her surrogate driver Dario Franchitti beat out all other drivers.

Stop Posting Your Kids on the Internet – A Rant!

Hi Parent,

Your kid is cute and clever and can sing and dance and act and be funny and get mad and stoned and all sorts of things. But remember this: you are not legally required to video it and post it online.  It is perfectly acceptable to record a video or single image of your incredibly bright and/or goofy kid and share with only friends and family.  You know, you could learn to burn a DVD or save it on your computer. You could even watch said event without recording it and then relay it by storytelling!! Try remembering one moment in your kids life without your phone plastered to your face, without worrying how many Comments or Likes your project is going get, and planning your trip to the Ellen Show that might occur if the video takes off. Does your kid even know what you look like? I bet if they drew you a picture of you, you’d appear to be half-human, one side of your face resembling the newest camera phone.

Obviously a toddler or child doesn’t know anything about privacy or consent, and have no concept of what a viral video is, so of course, go ahead and do it!!   Remember when you were a kid, in a room full of your parent’s friends or other family members and they begin to talk about how you barfed at the dentist’s, cried at a hair cut, or ran the wrong way at the t-ball game or something else that may not have been your greatest moment. Good times! Nothing like feeling all eyes on you as your worst day is broadcast to a room full of people. But your the adult now. Times have changed. Why not broadcast it to the entire world?

Example:

Seemingly harmless video of a toddler ‘pooting’

Kinda funny. Little kid doing a funny thing. Not the end of the world, of course. But, the mom in the video spells out exactly what the video can be used for – to embarrass the girl later when she begins dating boys. Hilarious! I’m sure the four year old completely understands how the internet works. Teenagers learn quickly that their parents are on the earth to embarrass them and make their lives miserable. This little girl has fair warning in that regard. I’m sure the Mom will be just as thrilled when the girl perhaps makes her own, ahem,’ video’ her first year in college with her boyfriend.

If you are unsure whether taping your kids for online fame is the right choice try this:  if you have one, let your teenager shoot video of you for a week – in the bathroom, at work, out to dinner, getting dressed, driving, or getting fired from your job. Now allow them to post whatever they capture and describe it without any control on your part about the content. Pretty awesome, huh?

Here’s what Parent is thinking:

Ooh, look at Johnny stick the garden hose down his pants and shoot it at the dog! So funny! Let me record it, upload it and maybe, just maybe it will go viral and EVERYONE on the planet will see Johnny being silly with the garden hose and he’ll be called Garden Hose Boy and then we’ll get invited to the Today Show where Johnny can fuss, crap, or barf on the couch while Meredith Vieira asks ME questions about MY child.

This is another:


The mother feels obligated to record her drugged-up-just-been-to-the-dentist* son for about 8 minutes while still driving the car (making the road safer for us all, of course! For you mini-van drivers, this is Exhibit A why you suck. This lady has no business driving). Sure, maybe the kid later agreed to post it since he’s older and probably understands the internet a little. Perhaps he thought it was hilarious.  Or maybe he posted it himself? I don’t know.  I’m sure in twenty years when he’s going for that job promotion, he’ll be thrilled when this video is passed around, and he’ll be taken more seriously.  “Hey, Johnny, did you marry your sister, yet?!” I have a feeling, though, that this kid and his sister have bigger problems, having to live with this parent whose idea of being a good driver means a dolly shot across the interior of the van.

Parent, you do know your kid is not a pet monkey, right?    I don’t have kids. If I did, I would share their lives with family and friends, of course.  But to a degree that is respectful of the little person that is being raised, especially if it’s a video highlighting an embarrassing moment (which I wouldn’t make in the first place so would not happen). Parents will say you can’t understand unless your parent. That’s the same excuse you hear while they let their kids run around in a store like gremlins.  I would counter that it’s not so much about being a parent as it is being a person using another person for your own thrill have having an online presence.  Even if your kid can play the drums like a maniac or sing like an angel, ask yourself why you are posting the video and what do you really expect from it.  Do you get depressed when only 152 people view your video and someone else’s gets a million hits? Do you feel like a loser, then? Well, you might be. I hope that knowing this allows you to move on in life. Perhaps have another kid who is more camera-friendly or more embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than having an average looking kid doing not-so-embarrassing things – am I right or what?

After writing this, I did a google search and found a similar mindset at TheStir, more about the Charlie Bit My Finger family. So, I’m not the only who is bothered by this. There’s no stopping these types of videos, of course.  Kids will say and do the darnedest things, and God forbid it happens without the whole world seeing.

*I’m amazed that dentists and medical professionals allow individuals to video record their patients, young or old, for entertainment value (ie, taping someone who’s just had a dose of laughing gas, etc). Is this legal? Even if it is, as the parent or guardian filled with excellent judgment, please don’t be too disappointed if your kid doesn’t perform well for you. There’s always next time!