Jack In The Box – not only a fast food restaurant, but a description of disgraced lobbyist, Jack Abramoff. Today he was elected to serve four more years in prison. Abramoff thanked the judge for the prison sentence as it will provide him more time to work on his chess set pieces, which he is carving out of Zest soap.
This week, a study of message board and comment posts across several hundred websites indicate that a growing number of Americans are already growing tired of the current Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, and her attempts to lead the Republicans to the White House.
“So many Alaskan Governors think they know better,” one voter wrote on a message board that didn’t require a username/password. “Do they not get that Alaska and Hawaii are, like, totally far away and really don’t know what it’s like to be American.”
Another commenter, with 417 posts and an avatar of a laughing baby, vented to her fellow messageboarders: “From Walter Hickel to Bill Sheffeld, these Governors from this stupid state that is somewhere near Canada, think they know what’s best for the country. Why don’t they just stick with what they know – fishing, bears, and igloos.”
Obama campaign managers described the anti-Alaskan Governor trend as expected. “It’s something we saw in the numbers on our brand new Macs and wi-fi connection and clearly Alaska, as a state, needs to check itself before they wreck themselves. It’s like, just be glad we added you to the country. Don’t get greedy.”
Republican party officials confirmed today that Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin will present her speech this evening using no teleprompter and while wearing a Alaska State Flag blindfold and earplugs.
“This speech is going to be easy for her. She’s totally relaxed,” one official stated. “We are not worried at all. She memorized the speech yesterday while shopping for maternity clothes for her daughter.” He added that they other issues to be worried about, like Palin’s as-of-now unnamed, married cousin, who is expecting twins, despite only living in a two-bedroom apartment in Anchorage. “We are concerned the Democrats will use this as an issue against Palin.”
Palin did meet the cousin twice in the past five years at two separate family gatherings and is said to have said “how are you?” to the younger 25-year-old cousin, causing concern within Republican ranks that the Alaskan Governor is too closely tied to her cousin, who has no plans to move to a larger living space.
At the Republican National Convention, First Lady Laura Bush introduced to the world the latest in robotic science when she introduced the stylish Cindy McCain 3000. Outfitted in gold silk, the CM3K approached the podium, waving to the adoring crowd.
Fluent in only English and several Spanish words, the Cindy McCain 3000 robot has a 1TB hard-drive and 5 gb dual-processors, as well as audio and video processors allowing for basic communication and movement.
“I am very proud of my country,” and “Please welcome, John McCain” are two of 40,000 phrases programmed into the robot, which costs an estimated $23.5 million dollars. An ATM installed above the spleen allows CM3K owners to withdraw money in 10 different currencies, with no option for deposit.
The Cindy McCain 3000 promises to be an improvement over some of the earlier versions, including the original Cindy McCain98, which ran on Windows and was perceived as too severe.
UPDATE HERE on robot inspiration for CM3k.
Don LaFontaine, who did the voice-over work for many movie previews, died Monday. Rumors he voiced the trailer for the Oliver Stone pic “W” are not yet made up. But let’s say he did, and if he did, it might start off like this:
In a world where one person can make a difference in the lives of many, one person did. Only, everybody on the planet didn’t want him to make a difference…
RIP “In A World” guy.
MARK WIBERG 