new york

Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Legislation Revealed!

~ Wiberg

Through some online digging, I found the following proposed legislation regarding New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s efforts to curb consumption of sugary drinks by limiting drink sizes to no more than 16 ounces.

Legislation Text

By Council Members Cabrera, Arroyo, Foster, Koppell, Palma, Rivera, Seabrook, Bert, Ernie, Vacca, Barron, Dilan, Eugene,  Brewer, Chin, Dickens, Simon, Simon, Pupkin, Quinn, Rodriguez, Etcetera

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A Local Law to amend the administrative code of the city of New York, in relation to limit the portion size of sugary drinks within New York City limits.

Be it enacted by the Council as follows:

Section 1; Section 1, pages 52-53; New or amended ordinance regarding health of citizenry, especially fatties, to include limitations on sugary drinks (soda, sweetened tea, sugar drinks above 25 calories per 8 ounce serving) made available for sale at restaurants, delis, sporting arenas, movie theaters, gas stations, porn shops, churches, family barbecues, weddings, and dog funerals.

Sugary drinks as defined as non-diet sodas, and some sweetened teas and coffees favored by hipsters.  A panel will be commissioned to determine what Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper 10, and PepsiMax are supposed to be and whether they qualify under proposed size ban. A case of each male gender-targeted low calorie drinks will be ordered and distributed to council members for consumption during the Fourth of July 2012 weekend. Sodas clearly marked “diet” can continue to be purchased/sold in any cup size up to 64 ounce, so as to curtail any potential underground market by Prius-driving and/or vegan health-freaks.

Section 2; Section 2, pages 55-57; Portion sizes larger than 16 ounces will remain available at grocery stores and retail outlets such as Target. As noted previously by heard testimony, when you run into Target to get something, you always end up spending more, which often includes soda and it makes financial sense to purchase a liter of sugary drink rather than a single smaller bottle.

Section 3; Section 3, pages 60-62; Fines for violation of proposed soda size ban include written warning(s) and/or fines up to but not exceeding $100 per violation unless violation involves Shasta or RC Cola, in which case fine will be reduced fifty percent under the ‘pity rule.’

/Bloomberg/crazyideas/wtf/drafts/

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related: Sodacop, a play.

SODACOP – a few scenes from Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Fetish story

~ Wiberg

from an unpublished, unwritten play titled “SODACOP”

SCENE 1, Mayor Bloomberg‘s office; near future:

Mayor Bloomberg and staff sit around a table drinking water and eating carrots.

STAFF #1

Mayor, this ice cubes ban in soda is an excellent idea. How does someone so short and so quirky get such great ideas?

BLOOMBERG

I don’t know. But lose the Ranch dressing. We eat carrots in this office without Ranch.

STAFF #1

Of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.

BLOOMBERG

Who lowered my chair again? I can’t get my elbows on the table. (beat) So, the ice cube in soda ban has been in effect for five days. As I stated months ago, large soda is a problem. So is cold soda. It tastes too good. Remove ice from the equation and people will make healthier choices. Any news on how New Yorkers are coping? I know they’ll be upset but they’ll get over it. We’re doing them a favor!

STAFF (all)

Here here!

SCENE 2:  NY Movie Theater, snack bar.

MOVIEGOER
I’d like to get a large butter popcorn, a box of Whoppers and a large Coke.

WORKER:

Okay. Just so you know, the large size is now 16 oz. We’re not allowed to sell a 32 oz soda, unless it’s diet.

MOVIEGOER

I forgot where I was. I’m from Jersey.  (beat) Can I get extra butter on that popcorn?

WORKER

Sure. So, yeah,  the old large size was 32 oz. The new large size is 16 oz. But if you order 2 large sodas, we’ve priced it at the same price as the old large.

MOVIEGOER:

I’ll get two of the new large sodas.

WORKER
Also, they are ‘no ice.’  That’s also banned. No ice in sodas. Unless it’s diet. The Mayor knows soda tastes better cold. Only people who drink diet soda get ice.

MOVIEGOER

Did I mention I’m from Jersey so I’m about to lay down a bunch of curse words. But I won’t. Instead, I see the light – I’ll get a V8 drink, and cancel the popcorn and candy. In fact, I think I’m going to go jogging instead of watching this movie.

SCENE 4:  Landfill; daytime

GARBAGEMAN

What is the deal with all these 16 oz cups, now? They are everywhere!

SCENE 5: Mayor’s office, months later.

STAFF #1

Mayor Bloomberg, the results are in. Everyone in NYC is incredibly healthy. Soda consumption is down 73%.  You’ve battled salt, trans-fat, large and cold soda, and smoking. What’s next?

BLOOMBERG

Large televisions and long movies. It is not healthy to sit and watch a two and a half hour movie on a large screen. Also, morning talk shows – no need to be so long with all those teaser bits about what’s coming up – it encourages people to watch too much tv.  Same goes for mini-series and crime shows that don’t solve anything in the first hour – banned. Maybe we’ll put timers in televisions so they turn off after 3 hours…

END

same topic, related.