Hurricane Gustav approaches the states and already Democrats are claiming Mother Nature has selected an inexperienced storm that has only operated in the ocean and over smaller land masses.
Hurricane Gustav gaining little experience near Cuba
Sarah Palin, current governor of Alaska, is apparently John McCain’s selection for his vice-presidential pick. Palin first got her start as the nerd-turned-hot dancer in the Billy Idol music video “Cradle of Love.” I think. I could be wrong. I’ll have to watch the music video a few more hundred times to be sure.
Sarah in the 1980s.
Sarah now:
Sarah Palin is more blue-collar than Joe Biden (she’s even wearing a blue collar here, to prove it!). She hunts moose, for example- with her bare hands.
so Obama takes the stage and says to the 80,000 people in attendence: “Build me an army, worthy of Mordor….” then he’s all ‘gotchya!’ and goes into how he wants to save the world, when we all know that if he just saves the cheerleader, he can do that. And he goes through his list of things to get done – his “Honey Do” list, as it were, only it’s more than fixing the goddamn sink or mowing that dead patch of weeds you call a yard. No, he’s got world peace, the economy and the big digital television changeover in February to worry about.
He tells the world he knows how to handle terrorists because he has read half of Tom Clancy’s Clear and Present Danger back when he was a community leader leading the community to lead others in the community. He will personally go after Osama Bin Laden like a crazy ex and, in an obvious gesture to middle America (NASCAR) fans, he ends the speech – “America, if you ain’t first, you are last!!! Everybody applauds and yells “Shake and Bake, Obama!” and he’s all “yeah, yeah, you know it.”
And then he looks into the camera and he addresses all the bad guys in the world and he says “bad guys, you better watch out, because there is a new sheriff in town. A black sheriff. And if you saw Blazing Saddles, you know you are in for a world of pain. You can pee on our rug, but you can expect a response!”
Finally, he tells John McCain – he says “John, if you’re still awake, hear me good, old man, you better just stay home and watch Wheel of Fortune and put a reverse mortgage on your seven homes and live comfortably, because I am gonna win this election, so help me God. And by God, I mean the dude in the Holy Bible, and not anywhere else like, say, Islam, which I have never even friggin’ heard of until I ran for President. True that. Oh, it’s a religion, you say? Well, I’m sorry, I’m a Christian, in case you didn’t know. Peace out!”
So Obama shows up at the end and says ‘thanks, Biden, for remembering my name.’ Then he takes out a coin and tosses it to Biden, and says “Keep the Change” and he winks knowingly and they fist-bump, only Biden breaks his hand and starts to cry so they take him off stage. And then Obama gives a shout out to Bill Clinton, who will not be the First Man next year, but instead will return to NY to continue his studies of global politics and solutions to poverty, and to catch up with E!’s show “Girls Next Door.” Then Obama waves to the crowd and Fox News reports that Obama whispered “dirka dirka” to Biden earlier, proving once again that Obama lives a double-life as a muslim, speaks muslim, and that plans for a White House basement-level mosque are in the works.
Meanwhile, the dolts at MSNBC seem hellbent on destroying each other while “reporting/analyzing” the Democratic Convention this week. Olbermann, Matthews, Scarborough, Shuster, etc. are hilariously dysfunctional. It’s like that scene from Reservoir Dogs, with Steve Buscemi telling everyone to act like professionals. MSNBC needs a professional reporter to babysit all of them. I wonder if this kinda crap would be going on if Tim Russert were alive?
So, here’s an example of the lovefest at MSNBC. Remember these people work for the same cable channel. I guess Olbermann’s “Worse Person In The World” will be sourced from within soon.
It’s great television, though useless for the voters! (as usual, right?).
A preview of Joe Biden’s speech:
It’s an honor to be here tonight to share my IQ with you fellow Democrats. As a senator for many, many years, I know what change is all about. Change is what you pull out of your pants pocket and put on the kitchen table and stare at, when you’re hungry from walking to and from the train station. And sitting at that kitchen table, you wonder if you can stack that change, mostly quarters and nickels, as high as you did the night before so you begin stacking the change on the kitchen table and then it all falls down and that is bad, America. You do not want your change to fall down on the kitchen table or anywhere else.
If you’re against change, then you’re against me and my change. You’re for something else that I don’t know anything about. I come from Pennsylvania, a state that I will mention a lot over the next few months because it’s a swing state, but I represent another state you care nothing about, a state the size of a Walmart. So I am a Regular Joe who comes from two states, one of them a swing state, with only the change in his pocket and one kitchen table. I have had the same easy job for 35 years and that is something every American knows something about. I take the train to work – who doesn’t, right? All it takes is a little change to get there and back. And did you see how I brought the “change” motif back into my speech. Pretty lame, I know, but remember that next time you ask me to write my own speech. Remember, a vote for Obama is a vote for me, a regular joe, who happens to know how Washington works.
The phenom - Spaghetti Biden
