Jokes about old people, by me

Here’s a few jokes related to age that I tell when I do stand-up.  They are not personal and probably not the best ever jokes but they’re amusing.

Joke #1

My grandma has a smart phone. She has an app on it called Instagramma. It takes pictures of things she didn’t have has a kid. It comes with an electronic pill counter. And with it you can send am Instagramma photo and a $5 check to your grandchild for his/her birthday.

Joke #2

There are dating sites for all types. There is one for people over 50 called Ourtime.com. I think there needs to be a dating site for people over 87 years old called Overtime.com – because at that age, that’s what you’ are in – overtime. Find someone fast, get it and hit it. You go out, exchange power of attorney forms….or perhaps for people over 99 years of age – call it SuddenDeathMatch.com – you find your match and begin dating within 3 hours. Short walks, salt free dinners…and not to leave younger people out of it – a dating site for 3 year olds? Naptime.com. Boom.

Joke #3:

My grandma likes to say “we didn’t have that when I was a kid” usually pointing to my phone and I’m like “give it a rest” not everything was invented in 1970. Or did you think I was calling you in 1982 from my Atari phone? Shouldn’t you be writing a check for $2 somewhere?

(okay joke #3 isn’t there yet but the way I tell it is better than on paper – always is).

George Burns was a hilarious old person. Gone too soon.
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