It was reported today that “Change You Can Believe In” presidential candidate Barack Obama will collect some cash from a September 16th fundraiser headlined by cutting-edge artist, and 17-time MTV VMA winning artist, Barbara Streisand, who currently resides at the Smithsonian.
The event will be a $2,500 a plate reception, with the option for Democrats in attendence to donate $5,000 if they want to leave early and avoid Streisand’s act.
Barack was said to be thrilled. “I can’t tell how many times Michelle and I listen to Barbara’s records. Really, I can’t.”
As an earlier supporter of Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and John Kerry’s in 2004, and Al Gore’s in 2000, Barbara Streisand was the obvious choice for a fundraiser.
“Hey, a broken clock is right twice a day. Sooner or later she’s gonna back a winner, and I have a good feeling about this time,” a Obama spokesman was sorta quoted as saying.
Today the Oprah Winfrey show announced that if Sarah Palin wants to be booked on her tv show, she will have to write a fictional memoir filled with all sorts of goodness. Or join a crazy cult and talk about stupid movies.
Oprah released a statement, transcribed by her best friend Gayle, who recently completed a course in stenography.
“I totally wish I could have Sarah Palin on the show but unfortunately, she’s a politician. Barack Obama is not a politician, he’s just a simple man trying to save the world, one elected office at a time. I wish Sarah all the best and hope she will appear on my show next year, after this campaign is over. But I know she won’t because she’s going to lose. Thank you. That stupid bitch should pay me to have her on the show. Gayle, why are you still typing? Stop typing. Did you cut out that last part? Good.”
As pointed out later to Winfrey that Gayle did not “cut out that last part.” Ms. Winfrey released a second statement: “I am sorry for any offense I caused in my earlier statement. Using those kinds of words is not who I am. It has taught me a lesson – to get a new stenographer.”
This week, a study of message board and comment posts across several hundred websites indicate that a growing number of Americans are already growing tired of the current Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, and her attempts to lead the Republicans to the White House.
“So many Alaskan Governors think they know better,” one voter wrote on a message board that didn’t require a username/password. “Do they not get that Alaska and Hawaii are, like, totally far away and really don’t know what it’s like to be American.”
Another commenter, with 417 posts and an avatar of a laughing baby, vented to her fellow messageboarders: “From Walter Hickel to Bill Sheffeld, these Governors from this stupid state that is somewhere near Canada, think they know what’s best for the country. Why don’t they just stick with what they know – fishing, bears, and igloos.”
Obama campaign managers described the anti-Alaskan Governor trend as expected. “It’s something we saw in the numbers on our brand new Macs and wi-fi connection and clearly Alaska, as a state, needs to check itself before they wreck themselves. It’s like, just be glad we added you to the country. Don’t get greedy.”