humor

Laura Bush Unveils new 3000 model of Cindy McCain robot

~ Wiberg ~ 3 Comments

At the Republican National Convention, First Lady Laura Bush introduced to the world the latest in robotic science when she introduced the stylish Cindy McCain 3000. Outfitted in gold silk, the CM3K approached the podium, waving to the adoring crowd.

Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium
Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium

Fluent in only English and several Spanish words, the Cindy McCain 3000 robot has a 1TB hard-drive and 5 gb dual-processors, as well as audio and video processors allowing for basic communication and movement.

“I am very proud of my country,” and “Please welcome, John McCain” are two of 40,000 phrases programmed into the robot, which costs an estimated $23.5 million dollars. An ATM installed above the spleen allows CM3K owners to withdraw money in 10 different currencies, with no option for deposit.

The Cindy McCain 3000 promises to be an improvement over some of the earlier versions, including the original Cindy McCain98, which ran on Windows and was perceived as too severe.

Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations
Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations

UPDATE HERE on robot inspiration for CM3k.

Wasilla, AK Mayor Dianne Keller to follow Sarah Palin – aims for the White House!

~ Wiberg ~ 3 Comments

Sept 2, 2008. Wasilla, AK (MW):

Current mayor of Wasilla, Dianne Keller, has today announced her intention to run for Vice president of the United States in 2016. In her statement, she said she has “totally big plans and stuff” for when she occupies the Vice Presidency.

Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate
Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate

With all the attention former Mayor Sarah Palin has received as John McCain’s pick for vice president, Mayor Keller has been able to quietly form a committee designed to get her into the White House in 2016. She has 12 years of city council and mayorship experience and so is currently more qualified than either Sarah Palin or presidential hopeful Barack Obama, according to local Alaskans.

Although it is 2008, Diane Keller is a politician who prefers to remember the past – keeping the 2006 Mission and Goals statement on the website as of today.

“The past is where it’s at,” Keller said. “That is why, like, when I am elected Vice President in 2016, I’m going to make sure that everything is done like it was two years prior. That we freeze time for two years.”

Keller describes her self as a radical independent. “I will totally vote or not vote for someone, and I don’t care what any of them down at Chepo’s say.”

A private person, Keller says she has already been vetted by none other than former Senator Fred Thompson. “Yeah, he called me and said in 8 years he will be ancient enough to run for the presidency and he would consider me for vice presidency but that I gotta clear up some bills I have at the Fred Meyer’s.”

August Round-Up – the stuff you might have missed

~ Wiberg

I’ve been heavily blogging all my little joke posts this past week and having a blast. Thanks for visiting.

Here’s some of the more popular posts from the past few days:

The Cradle of Love post – this silly one hit a nerve – is possible VP Sarah Palin the hottie in the Billy Idol music video Cradle of Love? Uh, no. Damn!

Joe Biden – changed man. A quick photoshop joke.

And here are some posts that were comparatively overlooked (probably because there were not many pictures):

My summaries of the DNC speeches.

Obama, Biden, and Bill Clinton, and Hillary.

I’ll keep up with the Republican convention this week, as well, so please return!

CBS picks up Northern Exposure for more episodes, citing Palin popularity

~ Wiberg ~ 2 Comments

CBS confirmed today that net execs have signed onto the production of 22 more episodes of the canceled television series, Northern Exposure, now titled North3rn Exposur3. Net execs say the selection of vice prez nominee Sarah Palin played a large part in the upcoming production.

Northern Exposure 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.
North3rn Exposur3 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.

“We looked at Palin, and the reaction to her, and thought “how did we miss “moose hotdogs? Snow mobiles? Wasilla? ANWAR? Polar bears?” said one executive. “There’s obviously more material out there for Dr. Joel Fleischman and other characters I can’t remember to go after. I think Alaska was a state when we produced the show, but now, it’s on the map.”

The Emmy award winning series is set to begin production late next week because everyone involved with the show, especially the cast, are free to work.

“I haven’t worked in television in years,” Rob Morrow said. “Oh, wait – I’m in the show Numb3rs. I forgot. Well, I know the others haven’t because they all work at the same Target store on Sepulveda Boulevard in the valley.”

Laura Bush disses Cindy McCain – refuses to sign cast

~ Wiberg

This past weekend, First Lady Laura Bush denied her possible successor’s request to have her wrist’s cast signed. It was earlier this summer that Cindy McCain broke her wrist in the Bronze Medal Round of the Beijing Olympics in the Shot Put competition.

Cindy McCain (right) with her unsigned cast.
Cindy McCain (right), with her unsigned cast, standing next to an agitated First Lady.

“Ask me all you want why I won’t sign it!” Mrs. Bush said later at a press conference, clearly irritated with reporters. “Ask it again, and I’ll come over there and kick your ass! I ain’t signing!”