August Round-Up – the stuff you might have missed

I’ve been heavily blogging all my little joke posts this past week and having a blast. Thanks for visiting.

Here’s some of the more popular posts from the past few days:

The Cradle of Love post – this silly one hit a nerve – is possible VP Sarah Palin the hottie in the Billy Idol music video Cradle of Love? Uh, no. Damn!

Joe Biden – changed man. A quick photoshop joke.

And here are some posts that were comparatively overlooked (probably because there were not many pictures):

My summaries of the DNC speeches.

Obama, Biden, and Bill Clinton, and Hillary.

I’ll keep up with the Republican convention this week, as well, so please return!

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DNC, Obama speech, Stadium Barackadium

so Obama takes the stage and says to the 80,000 people in attendence: “Build me an army, worthy of Mordor….” then he’s all ‘gotchya!’ and goes into how he wants to save the world, when we all know that if he just saves the cheerleader, he can do that. And he goes through his list of things to get done – his “Honey Do” list, as it were, only it’s more than fixing the goddamn sink or mowing that dead patch of weeds you call a yard. No, he’s got world peace, the economy and the big digital television changeover in February to worry about.
He tells the world he knows how to handle terrorists because he has read half of Tom Clancy’s Clear and Present Danger back when he was a community leader leading the community to lead others in the community. He will personally go after Osama Bin Laden like a crazy ex and, in an obvious gesture to middle America (NASCAR) fans, he ends the speech – “America, if you ain’t first, you are last!!! Everybody applauds and yells “Shake and Bake, Obama!” and he’s all “yeah, yeah, you know it.”

And then he looks into the camera and he addresses all the bad guys in the world and he says “bad guys, you better watch out, because there is a new sheriff in town. A black sheriff. And if you saw Blazing Saddles, you know you are in for a world of pain. You can pee on our rug, but you can expect a response!”

Finally, he tells John McCain – he says “John, if you’re still awake, hear me good, old man, you better just stay home and watch Wheel of Fortune and put a reverse mortgage on your seven homes and live comfortably, because I am gonna win this election, so help me God. And by God, I mean the dude in the Holy Bible, and not anywhere else like, say, Islam, which I have never even friggin’ heard of until I ran for President. True that. Oh, it’s a religion, you say? Well, I’m sorry, I’m a Christian, in case you didn’t know. Peace out!”

DNC, night 3, Clinton, Biden, and Obama, MSNBC, part 3!

So Obama shows up at the end and says ‘thanks, Biden, for remembering my name.’ Then he takes out a coin and tosses it to Biden, and says “Keep the Change” and he winks knowingly and they fist-bump, only Biden breaks his hand and starts to cry so they take him off stage. And then Obama gives a shout out to Bill Clinton, who will not be the First Man next year, but instead will return to NY to continue his studies of global politics and solutions to poverty, and to catch up with E!’s show “Girls Next Door.” Then Obama waves to the crowd and Fox News reports that Obama whispered “dirka dirka” to Biden earlier, proving once again that Obama lives a double-life as a muslim, speaks muslim, and that plans for a White House basement-level mosque are in the works.

Meanwhile, the dolts at MSNBC seem hellbent on destroying each other while “reporting/analyzing” the Democratic Convention this week. Olbermann, Matthews, Scarborough, Shuster, etc. are hilariously dysfunctional. It’s like that scene from Reservoir Dogs, with Steve Buscemi telling everyone to act like professionals. MSNBC needs a professional reporter to babysit all of them. I wonder if this kinda crap would be going on if Tim Russert were alive?

So, here’s an example of the lovefest at MSNBC. Remember these people work for the same cable channel. I guess Olbermann’s “Worse Person In The World” will be sourced from within soon.

It’s great television, though useless for the voters! (as usual, right?).

DNC, night 2, Hillary!

So Hillary Clinton gave her speech today and is all ‘go ahead and support Obama, see if I care,’ then Bill Clinton stood up and wagged his finger at everyone around him and then stormed out. Then James Carville could be heard hollering “get ’em!” and then Hillary revealed secret documents that showed Obama is a muslim, the top muslim of the entire world, and a terrorist, too, and a bad daddy and even badder half-brother and then everyone in the convention center took a vote and replaced Obama with Hillary, and Michelle O was okay with it because she wants to go back to practicing law. Hillary cried and thanked the crowd. The end.

DNC, night one, Michelle Obama, Kennedy4ever

What I thought of tonight’s DNC:

Boring but that could just be the post-Olympics depression. Where’s Bob Costas?

Ted Kennedy – dead man walking. No other opinion cuz I’m tired of the Kennedys. Ooops – I guess that’s an opinion.

Michelle Obama – nice, but boring, but her kids were amusing and real.

Overall, typical but no real fodder for stand-up comedians, so kinda worthless. Except possibly the lady in the video introduction to Michelle Obama. All I could think of was this, at around 2:55 on this video (warning: shaky cam):

make that 8 words you can’t say on tv – #8: nuts.

news junkies are all  over Rev. Jesse Jackson love song to Obama prior to a Fox News Sunday appearance. Apparently he wants Obama’s NUTS CUT OFF!!! NUTS. NUTS. NUTS. Wasn’t that a lame comedy from the 80s?

The video shows you just how little, if any, nuts the tv news cable shows have in covering this.  First, does it really warrant ‘BREAKING NEWS?’ Yes, but ONLY if Jackson actually managed to grab and cut off Obama’s nuts does it warrant breaking news, IMO. And don’t worry, Jackson would’ve still said it if Hillary was the nominee.

And, oh yeah,I totally can’t wait for the Law & Order version of this scandal.

Second point, and off topic: Jesse’s title: Reverend? Still goin’ with that title, J-man? You make Al Sharpton look like the pope, sometimes. Give the title a rest before your own rainbow coalition nuts get struck by lightning.

The only thing that explains this whole stupidness is that Jay Leno paid Jesse Jackson to say this incredibly idiotic thing. But then again, Jesse only does shakedowns, so maybe not.