I’m halfway to Oregon. So far, my 2008 comedy tour is going pretty well, although I haven’t performed any comedy yet. That will be tomorrow night where I will perform to a sell out crowd at an open mic at a ‘secret show’ in south Oregon.
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What else? Oh – I was pulled over today by the California Highway Patrol – I was recorded doing 75 mph in a In-N-Out drive-thru lane.
Also, as you may notice, I don’t do a lot of links on this site, because I’m just too busy thinking of jokes and reading.
I’ve read some journals and articles about ‘comedians’ on the road and they all sound very fun and exciting (those crazy club managers!) but apparently, cultural identity is very important for comedians! Who knew?
Lesson learned: If you want to stand out in comedy, join a group of similar comics and perform to like-minded people. Repeat after me: “We’re All Individuals”
I didn’t think of this before I left, but if I had to call my ‘tour’ anything, I would just call it “The Mark Wiberg Kickin’ Ass and Taking First and Last Names If You Don’t Mind Tour!”.
so i finish this one show last saturday night at the Grange in San Luis Obispo, and do well, everybody laughs (good!) and these people come up to me after the show and ask if I want to do a road tour around the country, and I’m like ‘yeah’ but then I say ‘which country’ just to make sure they’re not messing with me because one time I was asked to perform at a New Mexican nightclub and I thought they meant “a night clubin New Mexico” (the state) but it turned out they meant “a new night club in Mexico!’ and it took several People’s Courts appearances to sort it out. So, back to SLO and the people offering me a chance to tour the world. “These United States” they say and I almost hear the Battle Hymn of the Republic in the background, it’s that wonderful. So, after a couple of hours (cross the Is, dot the Ts sort of thing), it’s decided that I will go around this country, telling jokes in as many places. very cool. And I’ll be paid in very classy, commemorative collectible 9/11 bills. I was gonna argue for Pocahantas gold coins, but I didn’t want to push my luck. I’ve seen the commercials and those 9/11 bills are pretty sweet! Who wouldn’t be impressed if I rolled up to a parking valet, and say ‘keep an eye on my Honda, dude, and this very fine collectible bill will be yours.’ I’m not sure how they make change for those. All I know is that after this tour is done, I will be loaded with collectible bills that promise to increase in value someday.
So, anyway, this morning I go to work today, explain it my bosses and tell them that I can do my job from any computer and they are all ‘go for it, we’ll still pay you! Go do you want you want to do!! Just email us once in a while’ and so I leave tomorrow to cover the Northwest. I tell them about how I’m gonna be paid in collectible bills originating from Africa and they say that sounds like a swell plan because everyone knows the US dollar is down. I agree. I’m not economist, but I manage my credit card debt better than most. A lot of people I don’t know don’t have credit card debt because they don’t have credit cards so they know less than me.
So the plan is for me to take my stand-up comedy act to the Northwest states like Oregon, Washington. I leave later this week and will post all my (mental) adventures.
i can’t think of a new joke, so let’s write shit down. i saw ‘step brothers’ the movie (not the play, ha ha. not yet, anyway) and it was funny, in a tard sort of way – good for a laugh. I was having a laugh, as they say, at the movie. It kinda fizzles toward the end but what comedy doesn’t? Comedy films should all be 60 minutes.
new jokes may involve mouse traps (how many jokes do you know that involve mouse traps ) – they are funny things. It’s like America’s Funniest Home Videos without the camcorder and it ends awfully for the mouse. And if you put one in a hamster cage, the same thing happens, so it’s not just a mouse trap. Ugh. So, I’m thinking of something involving a mouse trap.
High Definition – that’s a tech trend that is really not necessary. “Poor” people have high definition television sets and blu-ray dvd players. WTF. Remember that when people bitch about the price of gas. At Walmart, they sell Blu Ray DVDs – Blue Collar Tour on Blu-Ray – finally! So, that’s on my mind. Do they have food stamps in hi-def? Is it really necessary to see everything in hi-def. And is it ‘hi-def’ or ‘high-def’ (which may indicate elevation of definition). People are more concerned with how things appear on their tv sets (story boxes), rather than how they appear in real life. Full disclosure – i have a hi-def tv but I wear glasses so I need it. j/k. I don’t own a blu-ray player. Also, i don’t need my ‘sound’ surrounding me at every turn. (actually, i do have a joke about this which I told last time around on stage and it’s kinda funny but not gonna write it here).
Watching the AMC show “Mad Men” – just discovered it and not sure yet what to make of it, except that it makes me feel like the biggest slob ever. Everyone dressed nicely back then, now matter the social status. Now, they don’t.
The cool song in Pineapple Express trailer isn’t on the soundtrack. It’s called Paper Planes, by M.I.A. Why this happens is a big concern to me.
I’m reading a John Irving novel “Until I Find You” and it’s kinda funny – I’m a 1/3 of the way through it. Will I finish it. Hopefully.
His coffin will be surrounded by 3 sets of strangers. RIP: Rocky Aoki.
I’ve only been to a Benihana’s once and it was definitely amusing and impressive the manner in which the food was prepared.
(This post was a practice post from my phone – I’m going to blog while I drive since talking on a cell in CA is not allowed w/o bluetooth which I have yet to get).
news junkies are all over Rev. Jesse Jackson love song to Obama prior to a Fox News Sunday appearance. Apparently he wants Obama’s NUTS CUT OFF!!! NUTS. NUTS. NUTS. Wasn’t that a lame comedy from the 80s?
The video shows you just how little, if any, nuts the tv news cable shows have in covering this. First, does it really warrant ‘BREAKING NEWS?’ Yes, but ONLY if Jackson actually managed to grab and cut off Obama’s nuts does it warrant breaking news, IMO. And don’t worry, Jackson would’ve still said it if Hillary was the nominee.
And, oh yeah,I totally can’t wait for the Law & Order version of this scandal.
Second point, and off topic: Jesse’s title: Reverend? Still goin’ with that title, J-man? You make Al Sharpton look like the pope, sometimes. Give the title a rest before your own rainbow coalition nuts get struck by lightning.
The only thing that explains this whole stupidness is that Jay Leno paid Jesse Jackson to say this incredibly idiotic thing. But then again, Jesse only does shakedowns, so maybe not.
I first heard of comedian Doug Stanhope in 2000 when I was temping (fun!) at a Los Angeles talent agency that represented him (APA, I doubt they rep him now). Anyway, I heard of him because he came in with a friend and grabbed a bunch of bottled water and left. I guess he was thirsty. Anyhow, video librarian at the place told me who he was, gave me a couple of CDs to listen to (Sicko, and Something To Take the Edge Off. all the info on Doug can be found here – I’m not for doing links on every other word I type. Maybe later I’ll be at it, but I’m writing shit, not linking shit on this site. I’ll link when I feel like it.)….ANYWAY, the first thing that struck me was there was an annoying music track underneath the jokes on one of the CDs. Like some cool hip jazz mellow music. A ‘can you dig it’ sort of thing. I couldn’t dig it. The jokes were funny – Doug is funny – but the music on the CD was distracting.
So, cut to a few years later, and I recall seeing Stanhope on television – of course, why wouldn’t he be – he is funny and he works and tours hard, it seems. More recently, he has a Showtime special: Doug Stanhope: No Refunds. Not sure where it’s taped, don’t really care. I recommend watching it for several reasons – some funny bits, and a good example of the personality selling the jokes in some cases. Stanhope is one of the grumpy, know-it-all comics that tell you things suck, etc. – there’s a market for that (believe me, it’s a purposeful style: some comics do impressions, some do PG observations, and some are the angry comic; but he does it better than anyone, I suspect. I never buy that David Cross or Patton Oswalt are really angry or upset about the world/America/people/current President/whatever. And I’ve mentioned it before, but any comedian who bitches for an hour in their act can come across as a little ridiculous – you’re a comedian, dude! Chances are you are living a crazy (possibly profitable, God forbid) life doing what you’re doing – you’re not stuck in an office staring at spreadsheets, or adjusting your drive-thru headset every five minutes. So, I’m always a little suspicious of the ‘angry comic’ – especially those who have broken through to the level that Stanhope has. Can you really be that angry all the time? Chillax, all you mad comics. But, I give him full credit for having a great presentation style and material. If there’s a comic who can joke about anything, it’s probably him. Check out a bit from the No Refunds show (note: adult language alert or caution or announcement in this video).
Oh, btw, and Stanhope smokes and drinks and so will probably be dead before too long. So, if you can see him in person, do it! Then later you can say “I saw that dude when he was alive, man” and where the tribute t-shirt with pride, knowing you were in the same room. If you don’t, you can still wear the tribute shirt, but it won’t be the same. Now, if he stopped smoking, he might have good cause to be angry! But, to each his own.
MARK WIBERG 