Politics

Obama: “We’re Not Going to Be Bullied!” Reality Responds: “Um, Yes You Are.”

~ Wiberg

Bon Jovi superfan and presidential candidate Barack Obama today said that his campaign “would not be bullied.” He issued this statement at a Bon Jovi concernt, in front of dozens of NJ residents.

Obama can hear music five miles away
Obama can hear music 5 miles away.

When asked to name his favorite Bon Jovi song, Obama responded: “Living On A Prayer, of course. A Christian prayer, by the way, because I am a Christian and nothing else.”

In 2004, Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!
In 2004, rocker Bon Jovi helped John Kerry all the way to 2nd Place in the Presidential contest!

Obama added that they were not going to be smeared or lied about.

The McCain / Palin campaign responded quickly. “Once again, Barack Obama is wrong. He was wrong on the war, wrong on the surge, and he is wrong at the Bon Jovi concert. He will, in fact, be bullied, smeared, and lied about. That’s what we do and that’s what they do. It’s called politics and, like making sausage, it gets kinda ugly.”

Later, a reporter was able to ask vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin what her favorite Bon Jovi song was, and she responded without hesitation. “Thank You For Loving Me.”

Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?
Sarah Palin - Slippery When Wet? Or just a Blaze of Glory?

Other candidates weighed in.

Joe Biden: “No idea who Bon Jovi is, sorry.”

John McCain: “Let me get back to you on this. I have seven of their albums, I’m just not sure which ones.”

Oprah – Pro-Obama, not Pro-Mamma – Sarah Palin denied by the O?

~ Wiberg

Today the Oprah Winfrey show announced that if Sarah Palin wants to be booked on her tv show, she will have to write a fictional memoir filled with all sorts of goodness. Or join a crazy cult and talk about stupid movies.

Oprah released a statement, transcribed by her best friend Gayle, who recently completed a course in stenography.

“I totally wish I could have Sarah Palin on the show but unfortunately, she’s a politician. Barack Obama is not a politician, he’s just a simple man trying to save the world, one elected office at a time. I wish Sarah all the best and hope she will appear on my show next year, after this campaign is over. But I know she won’t because she’s going to lose. Thank you. That stupid bitch should pay me to have her on the show. Gayle, why are you still typing? Stop typing. Did you cut out that last part? Good.”

Oprah Winfrey and some unidentified apolitical community organizer
Oprah Winfrey and some unidentified apolitical community organizer

As pointed out later to Winfrey that Gayle did not “cut out that last part.” Ms. Winfrey released a second statement: “I am sorry for any offense I caused in my earlier statement. Using those kinds of words is not who I am. It has taught me a lesson – to get a new stenographer.”

Laura Bush Unveils new 3000 model of Cindy McCain robot

~ Wiberg ~ 3 Comments

At the Republican National Convention, First Lady Laura Bush introduced to the world the latest in robotic science when she introduced the stylish Cindy McCain 3000. Outfitted in gold silk, the CM3K approached the podium, waving to the adoring crowd.

Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium
Laura Bush guides the Cindy McCain 3000 robot to the podium

Fluent in only English and several Spanish words, the Cindy McCain 3000 robot has a 1TB hard-drive and 5 gb dual-processors, as well as audio and video processors allowing for basic communication and movement.

“I am very proud of my country,” and “Please welcome, John McCain” are two of 40,000 phrases programmed into the robot, which costs an estimated $23.5 million dollars. An ATM installed above the spleen allows CM3K owners to withdraw money in 10 different currencies, with no option for deposit.

The Cindy McCain 3000 promises to be an improvement over some of the earlier versions, including the original Cindy McCain98, which ran on Windows and was perceived as too severe.

Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations
Released in 1998, the Cindy McCain98 robot failed to meet expectations

UPDATE HERE on robot inspiration for CM3k.

August Round-Up – the stuff you might have missed

~ Wiberg

I’ve been heavily blogging all my little joke posts this past week and having a blast. Thanks for visiting.

Here’s some of the more popular posts from the past few days:

The Cradle of Love post – this silly one hit a nerve – is possible VP Sarah Palin the hottie in the Billy Idol music video Cradle of Love? Uh, no. Damn!

Joe Biden – changed man. A quick photoshop joke.

And here are some posts that were comparatively overlooked (probably because there were not many pictures):

My summaries of the DNC speeches.

Obama, Biden, and Bill Clinton, and Hillary.

I’ll keep up with the Republican convention this week, as well, so please return!

Laura Bush disses Cindy McCain – refuses to sign cast

~ Wiberg

This past weekend, First Lady Laura Bush denied her possible successor’s request to have her wrist’s cast signed. It was earlier this summer that Cindy McCain broke her wrist in the Bronze Medal Round of the Beijing Olympics in the Shot Put competition.

Cindy McCain (right) with her unsigned cast.
Cindy McCain (right), with her unsigned cast, standing next to an agitated First Lady.

“Ask me all you want why I won’t sign it!” Mrs. Bush said later at a press conference, clearly irritated with reporters. “Ask it again, and I’ll come over there and kick your ass! I ain’t signing!”