Wasilla, AK Mayor Dianne Keller to follow Sarah Palin – aims for the White House!

Sept 2, 2008. Wasilla, AK (MW):

Current mayor of Wasilla, Dianne Keller, has today announced her intention to run for Vice president of the United States in 2016. In her statement, she said she has “totally big plans and stuff” for when she occupies the Vice Presidency.

Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate
Mayor Dianne Keller and future Vice Presidential candidate

With all the attention former Mayor Sarah Palin has received as John McCain’s pick for vice president, Mayor Keller has been able to quietly form a committee designed to get her into the White House in 2016. She has 12 years of city council and mayorship experience and so is currently more qualified than either Sarah Palin or presidential hopeful Barack Obama, according to local Alaskans.

Although it is 2008, Diane Keller is a politician who prefers to remember the past – keeping the 2006 Mission and Goals statement on the website as of today.

“The past is where it’s at,” Keller said. “That is why, like, when I am elected Vice President in 2016, I’m going to make sure that everything is done like it was two years prior. That we freeze time for two years.”

Keller describes her self as a radical independent. “I will totally vote or not vote for someone, and I don’t care what any of them down at Chepo’s say.”

A private person, Keller says she has already been vetted by none other than former Senator Fred Thompson. “Yeah, he called me and said in 8 years he will be ancient enough to run for the presidency and he would consider me for vice presidency but that I gotta clear up some bills I have at the Fred Meyer’s.”

VP choice Sarah Palin hits trifecta of ILFs!

First she was a MILF. Then John McCain turned her into VPILF. And now with yesterday’s news, she’s a GILF.

Palin, as photoshopped by kodiakkonfidential.blogspot.com in 2007.

To quote one famous musician, Bret McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords: “She’s so hot she’s making me sexist.”

CBS picks up Northern Exposure for more episodes, citing Palin popularity

CBS confirmed today that net execs have signed onto the production of 22 more episodes of the canceled television series, Northern Exposure, now titled North3rn Exposur3. Net execs say the selection of vice prez nominee Sarah Palin played a large part in the upcoming production.

Northern Exposure 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.
North3rn Exposur3 2.0 is set to air later this Fall.

“We looked at Palin, and the reaction to her, and thought “how did we miss “moose hotdogs? Snow mobiles? Wasilla? ANWAR? Polar bears?” said one executive. “There’s obviously more material out there for Dr. Joel Fleischman and other characters I can’t remember to go after. I think Alaska was a state when we produced the show, but now, it’s on the map.”

The Emmy award winning series is set to begin production late next week because everyone involved with the show, especially the cast, are free to work.

“I haven’t worked in television in years,” Rob Morrow said. “Oh, wait – I’m in the show Numb3rs. I forgot. Well, I know the others haven’t because they all work at the same Target store on Sepulveda Boulevard in the valley.”

Bob Woodward Publishes Sarah Palin book – Exclusive Interview here! Kind of.

Bob Woodward recently published his investigative book on Republican Vice-President nominee Sarah Palin. I had the opportunity to interview him Sunday afternoon via telephone:

Mark Wiberg: Hi Bob.

Bob Woodward: Hi, Mike.

Wiberg: It’s “Mark.” So, I understand you wrote this book this past weekend about the Governor of Alaska, John McCain’s surprise selection for vice president..

Woodward: Who?

Wiberg: Sarah Palin.

Woodward: Oh, yes. I didn’t realize she was the governor.

Wiberg: But you just wrote a book about her?

Woodward: I did, but much of what I wrote was sourced from unnamed sources, including people I never talked to, and none of them indicated to me that Palin was the governor of Alaska.

Wiberg: Okay. Let me ask you this – did you spend any time with Sarah Palin or her husband Todd?

Woodward: She’s married?

Wiberg: Yes.

Woodward: (scribbling) Interesting. Anyway, to answer your question: I did talk with Sarah during the writing of this book.

Wiberg: This past weekend?

Woodward: Yes, from my home here in DC.

Wiberg: And what was she like. How did she strike you as a politician and as a person.

Woodward: Well, she’s a woman. I got that much. Sounds a little Canadian, which could be a problem with some of ignorant people outside of DC. Actually, it was difficult to have a conversation with her because of the background noise. She seemed to be at a daycare center.

Wiberg: Maybe those were her kids?

Woodward: (scribbling) Kids?

Wiberg: Let’s back up. First, what’s your book about Sarah Palin called.

Woodward: It’s called Outside the Bush Inner Circle: Some Woman’s Journey to the Top, Written By the Great Bob Woodward.

Wiberg: Is that really the whole title? Even the “written by the Great Bob Woodward” part?

Woodward: Yes, why?

Wiberg: It seems like you just threw your name in there for no reason.

Woodward: Ego isn’t a reason?

Wiberg: Can you tell me anything you learned about Sarah Palin?

Woodward: I can. From conversations that I imagined, of course. What I learned was that during this historic 72 hour period, there have been a great many, heated arguments between Sarah Palin and others who I cannot name.

Wiberg: You can’t name them? Why not?

Woodward: Because they don’t exist. Duh!

Wiberg: Did you just say “duh.” You are a Pulitzer Prize winning writer, and you just said “duh.” That’s kinda lame.

Woodward: You’re kinda lame and I’m putting that in my next book, which is coming out next Wednesday?

Wiberg: You already have another book? You just finished this last one.

Woodward: I know, but this one is more timely.

Wiberg: And it’s about what?

Woodward: It’s about Tuesday.

Wiberg: Tuesday? like this coming Tuesday? You’re going to write about a day that hasn’t even happened?

Woodward: Yep.

Wiberg: Why?

Woodward: Because.

Wiberg: Because why?

Woodward: You’re not the boss of me, I don’t have to tell you.

At this point he hung up the phone, saying something about Patty Davis’ Myspace page.

——————-

(note: I hesistated posting this not because it’s totally fake but because it’s not that incredibly funny – but I liked the rushed book cover I made up and didn’t want it to go to waste – thanks for reading!).

Obama and Palin phone call: transcript revealed!

On Friday, August 29, Senator Obama telephoned Governor Palin after John McCain selected her as his vice-president nominee, wishing her luck, but not too much. Here’s the transcript:

Obama: Hello, Sarah?

Palin: Yes, this is Sarah Barracuda.

Obama: It’s me, Obama.

Palin: What’s up?

Obama: Not much. Just working the campaign trail.

Palin. That’s so awesome! Hey, can you wait a sec? I have to put Trig down.

Obama: Sure.

(20 seconds of muzak)

Palin: Okay, I’m back.

Obama: Hey, good luck with your campaign.

Palin: Thanks!

Obama: But not too much luck! (chuckles)

Palin: Excuse me? “Not too much luck?” What the heck does that mean? What the heck are you saying, sir?

Obama: You know ‘not too much luck.’ It’s a joke. Listen, I was kidding.

Palin: Why would you call someone to wish them partial luck? Are you sick?

Obama: No, I’m not sick, it’s just, you know, it’s “good luck and all” but it’s not like I really want you to win this thing.

Palin: You don’t? But you called to wish me luck?

Obama: Partial luck.

Palin: What is wrong with you, sir?

Obama: Nothing. Listen, I’m sorry.

Palin: Really? Are you sorry or partially sorry.

(silence)

Palin: Hello, Senator?

Obama: Partially sorry, I guess.

Palin: I thought so. Y’know, Senator Obama, I appreciate the phone call but my other Blackberry is ringing. Good day.

Palin: Hello, this is Sarah Barracuda.

Joe Biden: Hey, Sarah. It’s Joe.

Palin: Who?

Biden: Joe Biden – senator from Delaware. The state with more people than Alaska? Near Maryland.

Palin: I’m not familiar with either of those counties, but go ahead.

Biden: I just wanted to call and wish you good luck.

Palin: Well, that’s very nice of you.

Biden: But not too much luck! (chuckles)

Disconnect.

(by mark wiberg)