I’m trying a different design for this site and came across this wordpress template (Hemingway) which is much different than other templates. This means either the template is unpopular/sucks or it’s cutting edge and all are afraid to use it. I’m going to give it a try.
Hemingway design didn’t lend itself to video clips. oh well. So, I am trying the ‘White as Milk’ template.
I never do impressions in my stand-up. But today I thought I’d try two ‘online’ impressions. One being a typical post on a liberal comment board. and the other, a typical post on a right-leaning message board. Enjoy!
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Re: Price of gasoline
First!
This is what you get when you allow an election to be STOLEN! Twice! When will we learn!? We’re smarter!
I’m glad someone is reporting this bullsh$t. I can’t believe my grandma watches O’Lamely and believes everything the evil corporations and Darth Ch3ney spew about this illegal war. Where’s Osama bin Bushladen, dudes? Stay Outta Walmart, Save the World. Darwin rules, bitches!
Oh, and btw, the oil corporations just made $50 million in the time it took me to post this from my iMac! Thanks Rethuglicans!
by Trustafarian4life: Posted 4:17 pm, August 18, 2008
2,304 posts since 2000.
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Next impression:
Re: Tax hikes! Call your congressman!
This just figures. Do as I say, not as I do. Thanks AlGore! Enjoy your big house and big boat, you fat hippocrite (get it? Hippo!). Global Warming is when you fart! When will the other side admit they hate America? God Bless America and W. Go USA! Never forget the war on terror!
And never mind the media – they hate America and never report anything bad about their friends, the Democrazies. George Soros can suck it! And by “it” I mean Dan Rather and the liberal media that wants my kids speaking Spanish and learning Die-versity! Arrrgghhh!
By SUVMomma Posted 8:30 am, August 17, 2008
hey, so I tried to do a fictional road tour and couldn’t even keep up with that!!! oh well. It served it’s purpose as it gave me a few new jokes. What I thought would be a thirty-day project on a fictional road tour turned into a 4 day tour!!! I also had technical difficulties that interfered.
Back to stand-up comedy. Yes, comedian/actor Bernie Mac died earlier this month. Honestly, I didn’t follow his stuff but from what I read and saw, he seemed to be very decent and very funny and is a good example of delivery rising above the material (at least in the clips and movies I’ve seen – I’m sure the material is overall great – but it sometimes is that the personality overshadows the material once comics ‘make it’ – as it naturally would).
So, i’m on the road, finishing up OR – great people, I don’t care what Idaho says about them. I thought I’d share a transcript of tonight’s show, even though it hasn’t happened (hey, that’s how showbiz works, man):
Transcript: (dated 8/7/08):
(MC brings me on stage, gets my last name wrong).
Hi. Hey, thanks MC for getting my name wrong. Good one. There is no L in my name, moron. What? No, I’m just saying, you got my name wrong. No, don’t come back up here. No, don’t. Okay, I didn’t mean anything by it. Just, please don’t get my name wrong again, if you don’t mind. I’m sorry. I said I was sorry.
(to audience): Good to be here, Chicago!
Ahhh, just kidding. Or j/k, whatever. What’s up with Portland? Are there enough bridges here, or what?
Could it be any duller here? Hello? (to audience member): What?
Yeah, I’m getting to the jokes. Just chill out – not my fault you only had enough money for one beer. Eat some chips and check your cell phone. I’m sure you have a lot of calls coming in.
Okay, so I like coming here to Oregon cuz I like to say “Lake Oswego.’ Lake Osweeeeeeego.
Hmmmm….this seems like a good crowd. I was at a show recently in California and all they wanted to hear were jokes about celebrities. And really the only celebrity impression I do is that kid from “Eight Is Enough.” Or was it from “Different Strokes?” I dunno – I get them mixed up but here goes:
“Whatchyou talking about Mr. Bradford?” (audience groaning).
Can someone give me the light back there? (no response).
Okay, anyway. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I’m from wine country? When I told my grandma that I worked in wine country, she said she worried about me living in a foreign land. I said, ‘it’s not like that Grandma – you should visit me’ and she’s all ‘I can’t, I don’t have a Visa’.
(audience member): LAME!
Thank you, thank you, but this isn’t a word association game. You know, I don’t hear that too often, the whole heckling thing. Nowadays, when someone feels like heckling, they just text message it to their friends. But I see you’re alone, so you’re forgiven.
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ha ha ha – did you think I’d really post a transcript of my set – that’s like giving away the store, man. I’m on the road to do comedy – I ain’t out here, driving around and getting lost and too afraid to ask for directions and working hard only to just post stuff. Hey, if you want free comedy stuff, go to YouTube, where there are millions of hilarious comedy videos.
Okay, so I’m off to Washington this weekend to do a three night gig in the city. It should be a good ol grungy time. I don’t think Washington folks are tired of the word ‘grunge’ – I hope not.
Well, I made it to Oregon. I ditched my bluetooth headset as soon as I crossed the state line. It feels great to be back to hands-tied-cellphone usage!
I’ll be doing a show tonight. Now, I’ve never been to Oregon, but I understand they don’t pay state taxes and they like trees. They’re like rich Ewoks. Should be a good starting point.
By the way, I’m already getting a lot of questions about what I’m using to blog this trip from the road. I use OLPC laptop (from the One Laptop Per Child program). This program works to get cheap but useful computer machines into the hands of third-world country kids. I got mine by setting up a PO Box in Port Harcourt, Nigeria, under the name Ethan Hunt. I put a note on the PO Box for UPS to redirect shipment to California.
I’m a little bummed that it didn’t come with a mouse.
As a road comic, you sometimes fall into bad eating habits. Maybe you survive on whatever a 7-11 store can offer (warm burritos, old hot dogs), or you eat rice for several days. It’s tough out there on the road.
Today I had a summer dish of horseradish crusted salmon medallion with dilled cucumber and mustard sauce. I know, I know – paired with a glass of 2001 Betts & Scholl, it wasn’t exactly my ideal. But if I am going to make it in this business, and tour, I have to sometimes be served this kind of cuisine. I’m sure things will improve as I reach Oregon for the secret show.
MARK WIBERG 